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Individuals can do nothing to change society. New developments can be only brought about by governments and large institutions. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Individuals can do nothing to change society. New developments can be only brought about by governments and large institutions. v. 2
In the past history, a large number of changes and developments were brought about by big organizations, governments, and institutions. These actions led many people to believe that individuals are incapable of becoming agent of change among society. I believe that both individuals and governments have their own function to bring influences or changes to society. First and foremost, looking back to history were almost most important matters solved by the organizations, governments, and institutions. In my opinion, it is understandable and natural due to they have great power to make policy or decision. For instance, when Indonesia was under the leadership of former President Soeharto, there was a large number of changes and developments especially economic development. He divided this economic development into three periods: economic recovery, rapid economic growth and increasing government intervention, export-led growth, and deregulation. Indeed, the economy grew rapidly and brought some improvements in its social development. Unfortunately, due to his dictatorial and authoritarian power, there were many people have become powerless, frustrated, and less respect to the government. On the other hand, a revolution started by minor or poor people who were recognized to be powerless. For instance, many student activists among universities in Indonesia united to protect and ask for Soeharto resignation. The latest example is the story about a young schoolgirl from Pakistan who stood up to the Taliban, Malala Yousafzai. She was shot in the head by Taliban due to her struggle against them to defend her right to an education. In conclusion, I do not think that individuals are incapable of bringing influences and create changes among society. I personally believe that individuals, like governments and organizations, are also part of society. Therefore, both individuals and governments or organizations can do something to change society in their own role.
In the past history,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
were brought
about by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
, and institutions. These actions led
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are incapable of becoming agent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. I believe that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
function to bring influences or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
to society.

First
and foremost, looking back to history were almost
Did you mean "the most"?
most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
matters solved by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
, and institutions. In my opinion, it is understandable and natural due to they have great power to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
policy or decision.
For instance
, when Indonesia was under the leadership of former President
Possible spelling mistake found.
Soeharto
, there was
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. He divided this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
into three periods:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
recovery, rapid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth and increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
intervention, export-led growth, and deregulation.
Indeed
, the economy grew
rapidly
and brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
improvements in its social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. Unfortunately, due to his dictatorial and authoritarian power, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have become powerless, frustrated, and less respect to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

On the other hand
, a revolution
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
by minor or poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
were recognized
to be powerless.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
student activists among universities in Indonesia united to protect and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
Possible spelling mistake found.
Soeharto
resignation. The latest example is the story about a young schoolgirl from Pakistan who stood up to the Taliban, Malala Yousafzai. She
was shot
in the head by Taliban due to her struggle against them to defend her right to an education.

In conclusion
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are incapable of bringing influences and create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
, like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
, are
also
part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Therefore
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
can do something to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
role.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Individuals can do nothing to change society. New developments can be only brought about by governments and large institutions. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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