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Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 3: Agree or disagree: It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends. v.1

Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 3: Agree or disagree: It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends. v. 1
In modern society, we could not imagine our life without advertisement. The ad is everywhere, in the media, in the street, even in your personal devices such as computers and smartphones. It is argued that the advertisement is the reason for buying useless things. However, some people claim that AD can make their lives better by presenting the latest products. In this essay, I will discuss both viewpoints. Many consider that advertisements encourage people to own unneeded items and the reason for this is a misrepresentation. Some businesses show their product as if we would not be able to live without it, or it will greatly simplify our lives, but it is not always true. Because of this propaganda buyer purchasing a variety of items, because they just believe - they are really needed, but in fact - they just want it. A recent study finds that 70 percent of unnecessary things were consumed by AD impression. On the other hand, there are some merits to ads. Promotional materials promote a lot of new useful products. Without advertisements, customers can do not know that the product exists in our world. Moreover, before purchasing a product we will be able to know about its characteristics and features. Furthermore, we will be aware of the price. Taking all these points into consideration, the advertisement could be a reason to buy the product that we don't need because some statements in the ad could not be true. On the bright side, advertisement helps to familiarize with a selling material which is reasonable to buy.
In modern society, we could not imagine our life without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
. The ad is everywhere, in the media, in the street, even in your personal devices such as computers and smartphones. It
is argued
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is the reason for buying useless things.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that AD can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
better by presenting the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. In this essay, I will discuss both viewpoints.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
unneeded items and
the reason for this is
a misrepresentation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
businesses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
as if we would not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without it, or it will
greatly
simplify our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not always true.
Because of this
propaganda buyer purchasing a variety of items,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
believe
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
they are
really
needed,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in fact
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
want it. A recent study finds that 70 percent of unnecessary things
were consumed
by AD impression.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits to ads. Promotional materials promote
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
new useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. Without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, customers can do not know that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
exists in our world.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
purchasing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
we will be able to know about its characteristics and features.
Furthermore
, we will be aware of the price.

Taking all these points into consideration, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
could be a reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
that we don't need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
statements in the ad could not be true. On the bright side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to familiarize with a selling material which is reasonable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 3: Agree or disagree: It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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