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1 Some people think watching TV is bad for children while others think that watching TV has more beneficial effects on children Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.1

1 Some people think watching TV is bad for children while others think that watching TV has more beneficial effects on children 1
There is a division in certain quarters about why foreign languages are learnt. While some people think that the sole purpose is for visiting and working abroad, others believe that there are more reasons to it such as appreciating international art. Although I strongly believe that there is more to studying other languages, both sides of the argument will be discussed. Due to globalisation, businesses have expanded tremendously beyond national borders. This has prompted people from various parts of the world to travel, live and work in other regions. Therefore, leading to a ripple effect of people learning various languages apart from their mother tongue. For instance, a recent survey carried out by Harvard University, prove that over fifty percent of people, who registered for international language classes, did so in order to work in other countries. This supports the fact that travelling and working overseas is a major reason why individuals become multilingual. However, the belief that the aforementioned point is the only cause for embracing other languages is nothing short of preposterous. The world, which is now a global village (as stated earlier) has also opened the door to the appreciation of non-native music and literature. For this reason, a considerable amount of people has resorted to enthusiastically learn other languages. For example, it was reported by a French journal that as a result of strong interest in Shakespearian novels, there has been a rise in the number of French students, who enrolled for English classes in the city of Paris, France within the last two years. To conclude, although certain people think that immigration and working in other societies is the only reason why foreign languages are learnt, it does not change the fact that this reasoning is flawed. The information age has given more cause to learn other languages in order to benefit from other schools of thought without the need to travel or work overseas.
There is a division in certain quarters about why foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
are
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the sole purpose is for visiting and working abroad, others believe that there are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
to it such as appreciating international art. Although I
strongly
believe that there is more to studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
, both sides of the argument will
be discussed
.

Due to
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
, businesses have expanded
tremendously
beyond national borders. This has prompted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from various parts of the world to travel,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and work in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
regions.
Therefore
, leading to a ripple effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learning various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
apart from their mother tongue.
For instance
, a recent survey carried out by Harvard University, prove that over fifty percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who registered for international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
classes, did
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in order to work in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries. This supports the fact that travelling and working overseas is a major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why individuals become multilingual.

However
, the belief that the aforementioned point is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cause for embracing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
is nothing short of preposterous. The world, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a global village (as stated earlier) has
also
opened the door to the appreciation of non-native music and literature. For this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
, a considerable amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has resorted to
enthusiastically
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
For example
, it
was reported
by a French journal that
as a result
of strong interest in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shakespearian
novels, there has been a rise in the number of French students, who enrolled for English classes in the city of Paris, France within the last two years.

To conclude
, although certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that immigration and working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
societies is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
are
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
, it does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the fact that this reasoning
is flawed
. The information age has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more cause to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
in order to benefit from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
schools of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
without the need to travel or work overseas.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 1 Some people think watching TV is bad for children while others think that watching TV has more beneficial effects on children 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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