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Independent TOEFL essay -TPO 16: A/D? The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide. v.1

Independent TOEFL essay -TPO 16: A/D? The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide. v. 1
Many individuals believe that money gives them joy, however this is not the scenario in real life. Many are of opine that money cannot give euphoria. This essay will discuss why happiness is complicated to define and how this can be achieved by doing the things in which people are interested. On the one hand, measuring the joy is hard as this varies from person to person. This may not be the same for all individuals because the emotions, feelings are different from one to another. For instance, many humans find satisfaction in playing a sport or travelling to different parts of the world while others may find cheerfulness by cooking a delicious dish. Thus, defining joy is hard as this is entirely based on individual opinion. On the other hand, one can achieve the pleasure by doing the things they are interested and setting the goals that they want to reach. When someone do the work that they are more passionate, then they do not feel stress of doing it and the pleasure of achieving something that they desired is immeasurable. For example, getting a degree from top university in the world gives satisfaction as they visualised it before doing it. Therefore, this are the reasons why many think that money cannot give cheerfulness. To conclude, wealth is not the primary thing for joy. This essay discussed why it is strenuous to measure bliss and this can be achieved by doing the things in which people are more passionate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals believe that money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joy
,
however
this is not the scenario in real life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
are of opine that money cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
euphoria. This essay will discuss why happiness
is complicated
to define and how this can
be achieved
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
the things in which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are interested
.

On the one hand, measuring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joy
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
as this varies from person to person. This may not be the same for all individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the emotions, feelings are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from one to another.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
humans find satisfaction in playing a sport or travelling to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world while others may find cheerfulness by cooking a delicious dish.
Thus
, defining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joy
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
as this is
entirely
based on individual opinion.

On the other hand
, one can achieve the pleasure by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
the things they
are interested
and setting the goals that they want to reach. When someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "does", "did".
do
the work that they are more passionate, then they do not feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
it and the pleasure of achieving something that they desired is immeasurable.
For example
, getting a degree from top university in the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
satisfaction as they
Possible spelling mistake. 'visualised' is British English.
visualised
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
it.
Therefore
,
The verb 'are' is plural. Did you mean "these are", "this is" or "this was"?
this are
the reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that money cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
cheerfulness.

To conclude
, wealth is not the primary thing for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joy
. This essay discussed why it is strenuous to measure bliss and this can
be achieved
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
the things in which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more passionate.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Independent TOEFL essay -TPO 16: A/D? The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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