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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide. Hi, Please correct my essay. Many Thanks! v.683

The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide. Hi, Please correct my essay. Many Thanks! v. 683
Although many people believe that travelling in a group led by a tour leader would be more enjoyable, I do strongly disagree with this idea. In my opinion whether you are a night owl who prefer to stay until late at night, or you are a kind of person prefer to have pleasure with your own friends, or you are a kind of interested in having exact and deep knowledge about the place you travel to, traveling in a group led by a tour guide would makes you trouble in a way that you might not be able to make enough pleasure during your trip. Doubtless, different people have different kinds of attitudes and behaviors. Actually, during a trip one may prefer to attend parties which being held late at night, or prefer to go for a walk at midnight. An example from my own life may shed some light on this issue, I remember last year when I went to Kish, which is a small island in Iran, and I had many difficulties during that trip. Since I like to stay until late at night, I found this trip very boring because most of the exciting parts of the tour programs were started in the mornings and I could not be able to attend them. We should always remember that travelling with a group of your own friends is more enjoyable since most of the times you have many common interests with each other. Just imagine that you have to bear with a number of noisy people during a visit from a historical site, how this might be annoying for you distracting from the main points that the leader is making. Oppositely, you may prefer to have a lot of fun during the trip and the group that you are traveling with is a kind of silent group in which no one speaks even a word. It is obvious that both situations are unfavorable. Another side of the coin however is about the amount of knowledge that you wish to gain during your visit from a place. Most of the times traveling in a group led by a tour guide is crowded by too many people and while the leader is describing about important issues you would not be able to pay attention. In this situation it is much better to study about the place you want to visit before the trip and deepen your knowledge about its historical places or its culture. By knowing a lot by yourself you definitely would find the trip more enjoyable. To put it in a nut shell, from one who has difficulty arrange his time in a group activity or someone who do not enjoy spending time with strangers while traveling, and one whose purpose of traveling is to expand his knowledge, travelling in a group may not be a favorable experience. So does not seem that choose some of your friends and plan to go to the trip with each other and make yourself highly informed about the place you wish to go is a better solution?
Although
many
people
believe that travelling in a
group
led by a
tour
leader would be more enjoyable, I do
strongly
disagree with this
idea
. In my opinion whether you are a
night
owl who
prefer
to stay until late at
night
, or you are a
kind
of person
prefer
to have pleasure with your
own
friends, or you are a
kind
of interested in having exact and deep
knowledge
about the
place
you travel to, traveling in a
group
led by a
tour
guide would
makes
you trouble in a way that you might not be able to
make
enough
pleasure during your trip.

Doubtless,
different
people
have
different
kinds
of attitudes and behaviors. Actually, during a
trip
one may
prefer
to attend parties which
being held
late at
night
, or
prefer
to go for a walk at midnight. An example from my
own
life may shed
some
light on this issue, I remember last year when I went to
Kish
, which is a
small
island in Iran, and I had
many
difficulties during that
trip
. Since I like to stay until late at
night
, I found this
trip
very
boring
because
most of the exciting parts of the
tour
programs were
started
in the mornings and I could not be able to attend them.

We should always remember that travelling with a
group
of your
own
friends is more enjoyable since most of the
times
you have
many
common interests with each other.
Just
imagine that you
have to
bear with a number of noisy
people
during a visit from a historical site, how this might be annoying for you distracting from the main points that the leader is making.
Oppositely
, you may
prefer
to have
a lot of
fun during the
trip
and the
group
that you are traveling with is a
kind
of silent
group
in which no one speaks even a word. It is obvious that both situations are unfavorable.

Another side of the coin
however
is about the amount of
knowledge
that you wish to gain during your visit from a
place
. Most of the
times
traveling in a
group
led by a
tour
guide
is crowded
by too
many
people
and while the leader is describing about
important
issues you would not be able to pay attention. In this situation it is much better to study about the
place
you want to visit
before
the
trip
and deepen your
knowledge
about its historical
places
or its culture. By knowing a lot by yourself you definitely would find the
trip
more enjoyable.

To put it in a nut shell, from one who has difficulty arrange his
time
in a
group
activity or someone who do not enjoy spending
time
with strangers while traveling, and one whose purpose of traveling is to expand his
knowledge
, travelling in a
group
may not be a favorable experience.
So
does not seem that choose
some
of your friends and plan to go to the
trip
with each other and
make
yourself
highly
informed about the
place
you wish to go is a better solution?
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
49Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide. Hi, Please correct my essay. Many Thanks! v. 683

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
516 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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