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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide. Hi, Please correct my essay. Many Thanks! v.239

The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide. Hi, Please correct my essay. Many Thanks! v. 239
Growing population has been one of the major concerns for urban areas. This essay will discuss the issue caused by overpopulation is the significant increase in traffic. However, this problem is not insurmountable if the government of a country applies a solution which is going to propose in this essay. The first and foremost problem caused by overpopulation is continuous increase in the traffic. These days, millions of inhabitants have been shifting to towns because of employment or to establish their own business there. Likewise, the number of personal and public vehicles got increased, which is ultimately a reason of increase in traffic congestions. For example, Bangalore, a city in south India, has been facing the same type of circumstance for the past 10 years. A feasible solution to this hurdle would be to follow odd-even rule. In this way, the amount of private vehicles on roads can be reduced significantly because according to that rule people are only allowed to use their personal vehicles for certain days or times in a week. To illustrate, Delhi, another city in north India, has been following the same protocol for past 3 years. Therefore, they able to reduce the amount of traffic on roads in a very short period of time. In conclusion, although modern cities face a variety of problems and one of them is rising in traffic, this problem is not impossible to overcome. In my view, it is the government responsibility to tackle this issue, and they should begin by considering one of the solutions proposed above. It should be a responsibility of individuals to follow laws wisely those made by government to control the traffic.
Growing population has been one of the major concerns for urban areas. This essay will discuss the issue caused by overpopulation is the significant increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
.
However
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is not insurmountable if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of a country applies a solution which is going to propose in this essay.

The
first
and foremost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
caused by overpopulation is continuous increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
. These days, millions of inhabitants have been shifting to towns
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of employment or to establish their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business there.
Likewise
, the number of personal and public vehicles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
increased, which is
ultimately
a reason of increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestions.
For example
, Bangalore, a city in south India, has been facing the same type of circumstance for the past 10 years.

A feasible solution to this hurdle would be to follow odd-even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
. In this way, the amount of private vehicles on roads can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
significantly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
according to that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their personal vehicles for certain days or times in a week. To illustrate, Delhi, another city in north India, has been following the same protocol for past 3 years.
Therefore
,
Did you mean "they are" or "they were"?
they
able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
on roads in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
short period of time.

In conclusion
, although modern cities face a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and one of them is rising in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is not impossible to overcome. In my view, it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
responsibility to tackle this issue, and they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
by considering one of the solutions proposed above. It should be a responsibility of individuals to follow laws
wisely
those made by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide. Hi, Please correct my essay. Many Thanks! v. 239

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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