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As com putters are being used more and more in education, there will be soon no role for teachers in the classroom. disagree or agree? v.1

As com putters are being used more and more in education, there will be soon no role for teachers in the classroom. disagree or agree? v. 1
It is often argued that the most fulfilling stage of a person’s life is during adolescence, while others believe that adulthood, despite things like a job, family and money concerns, is better. This essay agrees with the former, rather than the later view. It will first discuss how grownups are much less fulfilled than teenagers because of the pressures they are under and then discuss how contented most teenagers are, before coming to the conclusion that the ages of thirteen to eighteen really are the best years of our lives. Upon reaching maturity people are expected to fend for themselves and this often leads to unhappiness. This is because most adults have rent and bills to pay, as well as a partner and dependents to look after, which more often than not, leads to them doing a job they don’t enjoy in exchange for money. A recent study by Queen’s University, Belfast found that 79% of people would leave their jobs if they didn’t have a mortgage and 64% of people stated that their job made them depressed at some point. On the other hand, young people are free from these worries because they are often supported financially and free from any real troubles. Most live with their parents who pay for all their needs and the only thing they have to focus on is studying. Research carried out by Cambridge University found that only 29% of 15-16 year old students said they were ‘happy’, but when questioned 10 years later 84% said that they were ‘much happier’ when they were 16. In conclusion, youth really is wasted on the young because older people are under much more strain when it comes to money and people relying on them.
It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
argued that the most fulfilling stage of a person’s life is during adolescence, while others believe that adulthood, despite things like a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, family and money concerns, is better. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the former,
rather
than the later view. It will
first
discuss how grownups are much less fulfilled than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the pressures they are under and then discuss how contented most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
coming to the conclusion that the ages of thirteen to eighteen
really
are the best years of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Upon reaching maturity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to fend for themselves and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
leads to unhappiness. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most adults have rent and bills to pay,
as well
as a partner and dependents to look after, which more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
than not, leads to them doing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
they don’t enjoy in exchange for money. A recent study by Queen’s University, Belfast found that 79% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
if they didn’t have a mortgage and 64% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stated that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
made them depressed at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point.

On the other hand
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are free from these worries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
supported
financially
and free from any real troubles. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their parents who pay for all their needs and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
focus on is studying. Research carried out by Cambridge University found that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
29% of 15-16 year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
students said they were ‘happy’,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when questioned 10 years later 84% said that they were ‘much happier’ when they were 16.

In conclusion
, youth
really
is wasted
on the young
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are under much more strain when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
relying on them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay As com putters are being used more and more in education, there will be soon no role for teachers in the classroom. disagree or agree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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