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Independent TOEFL essay -TPO 15: TPO 15: A/D? In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at a young age. v.1

Independent TOEFL essay -TPO 15: TPO 15: A/D? In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at a young age. v. 1
Live telecast of the criminal trials is shown by some countries to allow their public an opportunity to watch them. Although there are valid explanations for the either side, however, in my view, these proceedings have shown more merits than the demerits on the society. To discuss with advantages, these proceedings create awareness among the people regarding the country’s various legislative rules and regulations, human rights protection acts, and criminal acts along with the procedures involved in such trials. For instance, a crime committed in the self defence is not punishable. Secondly, the judiciary can be corrupt in some countries, however, broadcasting these proceedings for the public would be a step towards bringing the transparency and the fairness in the judicial system. Contrarily, the downside of this practice has more adverse results. The public can form their opinions from the biased mass media presentations and the lack of proper legal understandings which can further affect the decision outcome and thus, subsequently hinder the delivery of justice in the trial. Moreover, some people can get readily influenced by these hearings, which can teach them criminal ways to commit the crime, violate the rules, and escape from the loopholes in the judicial system. For example, people can learn the methods to plan the theft, looting, and robbery for making an easy money. Another imperative concern is that the victim or culprit can be a young child or adolescent. In both the cases, they might face bullying or isolation from the society which can make them the most vulnerable to the psychological disturbances in their lives. To recapitulate, I opine that regardless of the benefits, the serious consequences can be seen in the society in the form of an increase in the violence, crime and mental disturbances among the culprit or victims and their family members.
Live
telecast of the criminal trials
is shown
by
some
countries to
allow
their public an opportunity to
watch
them. Although there are valid explanations for the either side,
however
, in my view, these proceedings have shown more merits than the demerits on the society.

To discuss with advantages, these proceedings create awareness among the
people
regarding the country’s various legislative
rules
and regulations, human rights protection acts, and criminal acts along with the procedures involved in such trials.
For instance
, a crime committed in the
self defence
is not punishable.
Secondly
, the judiciary can be corrupt in
some
countries,
however
, broadcasting these proceedings for the public would be a step towards bringing the transparency and the fairness in the judicial system.

Contrarily
, the downside of this practice has more adverse results. The public can form their opinions from the biased mass media presentations and the lack of proper legal understandings which can
further
affect the decision outcome and
thus
,
subsequently
hinder the delivery of justice in the trial.
Moreover
,
some
people
can
get
readily
influenced by these hearings, which can teach them criminal ways to commit the crime, violate the
rules
, and escape from the loopholes in the judicial system.
For example
,
people
can learn the methods to plan the theft, looting, and robbery for making
an easy money
. Another imperative concern is that the victim or culprit can be a young child or adolescent. In both the cases, they might face bullying or isolation from the society which can
make
them the most vulnerable to the psychological disturbances in their
lives
.

To recapitulate, I opine that regardless of the benefits, the serious consequences can be
seen
in the society in the form of an increase in the violence, crime and mental disturbances among the culprit or victims and their family members.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Independent TOEFL essay -TPO 15: TPO 15: A/D? In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at a young age. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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