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Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 13: A/D? The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past. v.1

Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 13: A/D? The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past. v. 1
The human emotions have an effect on the our lives. In the social life the people use them to share the signal of their emotional situation. However, It cannot replace to personal treat which are verbal and gesture such as the happiness. The scientists do not know why we are happy and what factors make us happier. The first complicated facts are that defining happiness. The word, gesture or speak not achieve the exact meaning of happiness. The some of people claim that the happiness reflects that our current psychological situation. Moreover, sometimes happy persons show them to laugh and smile. Some of people do that more energetic and exaggerated. However, no one explains why the people do. According to a research reveal that the emotion of happiness is a different communication way. Therefore no way is defined in words or gesture. Other research claims that all gestures and words occur the happiness. For the happiness, many factors make happy which are jokes, wins or laugh. The entertainment is the most powerful tool for making good. In the community, people make funny talks for laugh to counterparts. On the other hands, the jokes are not enough to make happy. The wins or achieving a dream change psychological mood. For instance, people do not get everything. If they find a way to get which they are yearning long time, they will be happy. Lastly, the laugh occurs happiness which is a nothing. If the someone laugh, the others laugh and nobody do not know that reason. To conclude, the happiness is complicated emotion which cannot define exactly. However, most of factors can achieve to happiness very easy. Although there is basic emotion, the human cannot understand and always be happy.
The human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotions
have an effect on the our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In the social life the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them to share the signal of their emotional situation.
However
, It cannot replace to personal treat which are verbal and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gesture
such as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. The scientists do not know why we are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
and what factors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
us happier.

The
first
complicated facts are that defining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
word,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gesture
or speak not achieve the exact meaning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
reflects that our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
psychological situation.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
persons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laugh
and smile.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do that more energetic and exaggerated.
However
, no one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do. According to a research reveal that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
communication way.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
no way
is defined
in words or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gesture
. Other research claims that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gestures
and words occur the happiness.

For the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
which are jokes, wins or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laugh
. The entertainment is the most powerful tool for making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. In the community,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
talks for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laugh
to counterparts. On the other hands, the jokes are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
. The wins or achieving a dream
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
psychological mood.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
everything. If they find a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
which they are yearning long time, they will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
.
Lastly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laugh
occurs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
which is a nothing. If
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "someone"?
the someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "laughs", "laughed".
laugh
, the others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laugh
and nobody
The pronoun 'nobody' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "does", "did".
do
not know that reason.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is complicated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotion
which cannot define exactly.
However
,
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the factors") or simply say "most factors".
most of factors
can achieve to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy. Although there is basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotion
, the human cannot understand and always be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 13: A/D? The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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