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Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 14: A/D? People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. v.1

Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 14: A/D? People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. v. 1
People have different views on how to value professionals. Many believe that medical professionals and teachers should receive higher salaries than athletes and artists. I fully agree with this statement. After all, doctors and teachers play a significant role in people's lives, as well as the time of the global pandemic in which we are all now. Let's start with why the government should increase the salaries of doctors and teachers. First, the state needs highly qualified specialists, so doctors and teachers spend a lot of money on education, as they often attend expensive professional training seminars. And if the state does not provide a high salary for a person who works as a doctor and teacher, then no one will want to continue these professions in the future, therefore, this may lead to an economic downturn in the country. Secondly, we will not be able to live in good condition without their help. For example, when the coronavirus first showed up in February this year, the heroes were medical professionals such as doctors and nurses who, because of their devotion to work and rescue, helped millions of people recover. And I also believe that their dedication can destroy this virus. In addition, teachers also provide a great service to society. They not only teach us, but also instill love for our country and for everything around us. They are one of the guides in our life. Finally, giving a higher wage to health workers and teachers than other profession as our respect to them because of their vital service.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views on how to value
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe that medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
should receive higher salaries than athletes and artists. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.
After all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
play a significant role in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
as well
as the time of the global pandemic in which we are all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with why the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should increase the salaries of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
First
, the state needs
highly
qualified specialists,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money on education, as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
attend expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
training seminars. And if the state does not provide a high salary for a person who works as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
, then no one will want to continue these professions in the future,
therefore
, this may lead to an economic downturn in the country.

Secondly
, we will not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition without their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
For example
, when the coronavirus
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
up in February this year, the heroes were medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and nurses who,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their devotion to work and rescue,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
recover. And I
also
believe that their dedication can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
this virus.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
also
provide a great service to society. They not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
teach us,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
instill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for our country and for everything around us. They are one of the guides in our life.

Finally
, giving a higher wage to health workers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
than other profession as our respect to them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their vital service.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 14: A/D? People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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