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Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 11: A/D? Some people say that the internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to so much information creates problems. v.1

Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 11: A/D? Some people say that the internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to so much information creates problems. v. 1
There is a fact that jobs taken by people have different salary ranges due to factors such as time and energy commitment, and requirement. People are discussing whether it is reasonable that people who work in sports industry deserve higher salary payment than those who take positions in other important fields. From my perspective, I believe that it is unfair that sports professionals earn more money than other professions. Some people argue that it is fair for sports professionals to receive more income since they have more difficult jobs compared with others. This means sports professions require more time and energy while others do not. For example, sports education instructors are required to receive long hours of training quarterly. Moreover, they are often stressed because they have to complete difficult professional training tests that make sure they continue to be highly qualified. Therefore, it is reasonable for some people to comment that workers in sports sectors are supposed to receive better payment. It is thought by some people that it is unreasonable that jobs associated with sports should earn more money. There are some jobs such as engineers, translators, and teachers that are also indispensable for people to spend plenty of time on them. For instance, it is a prerequisite to receive a certain amount of professional training when people start with these professions. Also, sometimes it is hard for people to achieve life balance due to an overload of projects such as paperwork, project design and necessary meetings. As a result, due to similarities of these jobs to sports professionals, it is unjustified that sports professions are rewarded more than other important jobs that need excessive time and labour commitments. In conclusion, by combining both views concerning if it is fair to provide sports professionals more rewards than people who are serving in other essential positions, I think if sports professionals are offered more salary, it will be unfair for those who work in other essential jobs.
There is a fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
taken by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
salary ranges due to factors such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy commitment, and requirement.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are discussing whether it is reasonable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
industry deserve higher salary payment than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
take positions in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
fields. From my perspective, I believe that it is unfair that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
earn more money than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professions.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
receive
more income since they have more difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
compared with others. This means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
professions require more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy while others do not.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
education instructors
are required
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
receive
long hours of training quarterly.
Moreover
, they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
complete difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
training
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure they continue to be
highly
qualified.
Therefore
, it is reasonable for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to comment that workers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
sectors
are supposed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
receive
better payment.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that it is unreasonable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should earn more money. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
such as engineers, translators, and teachers that are
also
indispensable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on them.
For instance
, it is a prerequisite to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
receive
a certain amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
training when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with these professions.
Also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to achieve life balance due to an overload of projects such as paperwork, project design and necessary meetings.
As a result
, due to similarities of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
, it
is unjustified
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
professions
are rewarded
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
that need excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
commitments.

In conclusion
, by combining both views concerning if it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
more rewards than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are serving in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
essential positions, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
are offered
more salary, it will be unfair for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 11: A/D? Some people say that the internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to so much information creates problems. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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