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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to have broad knowledge of many academic subject than to specialize in one specific subject

Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 12: A/D? It is better to have broad knowledge of many academic subjects than to specialize in one specific subject. v. 1
Learning and gaining knowledge is the long-term scenario of life. To survive in the advanced world, you always thrive for more knowledge. Some people think that it is better to have a broad knowledge of many academics than knowledge related to one subject. However, in my opinion, it is good to have a vast knowledge regarding many subjects but to gain success in your life you must be an expert in one subject. I feel this way for the following reasons. To begin with, nowadays there are tremendous competitions in getting jobs. All company and hospitals want to hire employee, who is master in their field. If you studied one particular subject it is easier for you to get into that specific field. My own experience is a compelling example of this. Since childhood, I want to become a doctor. When I was in school, I was aware that biology is the subject that helped me to achieve my dream. So from that day I mainly focus on biology. Having vast knowledge regarding biology I was able to complete MBBS and now I got a job in a renowned hospital. Second, our mind has limitations; it did not concentrate on many different subjects. So focus on one subject helps to avoid chaos and confusion in the future. For instance, my friend, who took many subjects during his academics, due to many subjects he was not able to gain proper knowledge regarding the different subject. Now he had a superficial knowledge of many subjects but he became confused that in which field he makes his future. He has no confidence in himself that in which field he can gain success, because not having profound knowledge of a specific subject. In conclusion, having specialized knowledge related to one subject is better. This is because it provides opportunities to get a job in your dream field and makes you confident about your future.
Learning and gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
is the long-term scenario of life. To survive in the advanced world, you always thrive for more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is better to have a broad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
academics than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
related to one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
.
However
, in my opinion, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to have a vast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
regarding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to gain success in your life you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be an expert in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
. I feel this way for the following reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, nowadays there are tremendous competitions in getting jobs. All
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and hospitals want to hire employee, who is master in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
. If you studied one particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
it is easier for you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into that specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience is a compelling example of this. Since childhood, I want to become a doctor. When I was in school, I was aware that biology is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to achieve my dream.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
from that day I
mainly
focus on biology. Having vast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
regarding biology I was able to complete
Possible spelling mistake found.
MBBS
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a job in a renowned hospital.

Second, our mind has limitations; it did not concentrate on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
focus on one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to avoid chaos and confusion in the future.
For instance
, my friend, who took
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
during his academics, due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
he was not able to gain proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
regarding the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
he had a superficial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he became confused that in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
his future. He has no confidence in himself that in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
he can gain success,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not having profound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of a specific subject.

In conclusion
, having specialized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
related to one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is better. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job in your dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you confident about your future.
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I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay It is better to have broad knowledge of many academic subject than to specialize in one specific subject

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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