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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. Hi, Please correct my essay. many Thanks v.685

People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. Hi, Please correct my essay. many Thanks v. 685
Although many people are interested in take a trip inside country and consider it more advantageous, I strongly disagree with this belief. In my opinion one who travel overseas gain more experiences and might be able to improve his knowledge throughout his lifetime. Moreover, traveling abroad may encourage individuals learning a new kind of language. Doubtless, travel help expanding your global perspective, and better explore the world around you. Actually, the huge amount of information makes life so much better. An example from my own life may shed some light on this issue; I remember the time when I traveled to Dubai with my family actually when I was 7 years old. After arriving there my father find Dubai a good place for starting a new occupation and he decided to stay there. That was a turning point in our life which assists us improving our lifestyle enormously. One should always remember that people make friends during their lifetime and they meet and get acquainted with each other on a whole range of different occasions. One who just travels inside the country would not have the chance to make friends from other nations. Our friends can teach us a lot since they come from diverse cultural background. Just imagine you have too many friends from other countries. You can socialize also talking about daily routines or even serious things with your friends. It is obvious that speaking with people who come from another parts of the world deepen your knowledge, and help you become open-minded. Another side of the coin however is language. Learning a language is a useful tool which provides individuals better opportunities to find job, to experience world, and to have better life. Take my friend as an instance; she has a lot of experiences traveling to Europe and Africa. Once she explained me about one of her trips to Norway that by entering that country she has found herself interested in Norwegian language and started learning it. She was describing how this uncanny experience had helped her developing her language skills. To wrap it out, traveling abroad provides people lots of valuable experiences which would not gain if they stay in their own country. Individuals may create better future for their children if they find a suitable place to live, an experience which happens if they travel overseas. In addition while traveling they can raise their knowledge through making new friends which help them seeing the world from another angle. Last but not least are about people who find learning a foreign language very interesting and desirable. Sometimes they find themselves eager to learn more which is really worthwhile. So does not seem that one should benefits from wide range of opportunities that traveling abroad provide for him or for his next generations?
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are interested
in take a trip inside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and consider it more advantageous, I
strongly
disagree with this belief. In my opinion one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
overseas gain more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
and might be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his knowledge throughout his lifetime.
Moreover
, traveling abroad may encourage individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a new kind of language.

Doubtless,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to expand" or "expand".
expanding
your global perspective, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
explore the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
around you. Actually, the huge amount of information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
. An example from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
may shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on this issue; I remember the time when I traveled to Dubai with my family actually when I was 7 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. After arriving there my father
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
Dubai a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
place for starting a new
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
occupation and
he decided to stay there. That was a turning point in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which assists us improving our lifestyle
enormously
.

One should always remember that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
during their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lifetime and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
acquainted with each other on a whole range of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
occasions. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travels
inside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
would not have the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
from other nations. Our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
can teach us a lot since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from diverse cultural background.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
imagine you have too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. You can socialize
also
talking about daily routines or even serious things with your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. It is obvious that speaking with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from another parts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
deepen your knowledge, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you become open-minded.

Another side of the coin
however
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is a useful tool which provides individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
opportunities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
job, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, and to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Take my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
as an instance; she has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
traveling to Europe and Africa. Once she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
me about one of her trips to Norway that by entering that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
she has found herself interested in Norwegian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
it. She was describing how this uncanny
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
her
The verb 'uncanny' is used with an infinitive: "to develop" or "develop".
developing
her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

To wrap it out, traveling abroad provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lots of valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
which would not gain if they stay in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Individuals may create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
future for their children if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
a suitable place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
which happens if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
overseas. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
while traveling they can raise their knowledge through making new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
The verb 'new' is used with an infinitive: "to see" or "see".
seeing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
from another angle. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least are about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interesting and desirable.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
themselves eager to learn more which is
really
worthwhile.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
does not seem that one should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "benefit"
benefits
from wide range of opportunities that traveling abroad provide for him or for his
next
generations?
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
58Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. Hi, Please correct my essay. many Thanks v. 685

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
467 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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