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Increases in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve this problem? v.3

Increases in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 3
It is clear that customers have tended to demand more goods, which leads to environmental degradation. While this trend is attributable to some reasons, it can be alleviated in some ways. On the one hand, there are two primary reasons why an increasing trend of producing household products obviously have to occurs. One reason is that we have had to cope with an unprecedented population explosion, which clearly makes an increased productivity from suppliers to satisfy the large number of buyers. Enormous markets like China and India are places which many companies desire to break into thanks to their size of population. Consequently, such areas are motion to increase productivity and grow a business. Another reason comes from technological breakthroughs, which help manufacturing to dramatically rise. For instance, it is undoubted that automatic manufacturing lines that present more ubiquitously in many different kinds of sectors such as assembling cars or computers make production of goods become more effective and faster. On the other hand, the negative impacts of this trend can be taken over by some initiatives. Firstly, susceptible resources should be widely used to alleviate environmental problems. For example, producers can reduce the reliance on machines operated by fossil fuel if they use alternative energy sources such as hydroelectricity or solar power instead. Secondly, governments should adopt related rigorous disciplines to regulate depletion of natural resources stemmed from intensive industrial processes. For instance, separating waste originally and recycling, which are two important methods to save finite resources should be high on government agenda. In conclusion, while the productivity growth of producing goods is inevitable due to population explosion and technological development, I think that we have many solutions to control its negative influences through legislation and material revolutions.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that customers have tended to demand more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, which leads to environmental degradation. While this trend is attributable to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, it can
be alleviated
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways.

On the one hand, there are two primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why an increasing trend of producing household products
obviously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "occur".
occurs
. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that we have had to cope with an unprecedented population explosion, which
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
an increased productivity from suppliers to satisfy the large number of buyers. Enormous markets like China and India are places which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
desire to break into thanks to their size of population.
Consequently
, such areas are motion to increase productivity and grow a business. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from technological breakthroughs, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
manufacturing to
dramatically
rise.
For instance
, it
is undoubted
that automatic manufacturing lines that present more
ubiquitously
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of sectors such as assembling cars or computers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
production of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
become more effective and faster.

On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of this trend can
be taken
over by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
initiatives.
Firstly
, susceptible resources should be
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to alleviate environmental problems.
For example
, producers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the reliance on machines operated by fossil fuel if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
alternative energy sources such as hydroelectricity or solar power
instead
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should adopt related rigorous disciplines to regulate depletion of natural resources stemmed from intensive industrial processes.
For instance
, separating waste
originally
and recycling, which are two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
methods to save finite resources should be high on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
agenda.

In conclusion
, while the productivity growth of producing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
is inevitable due to population explosion and technological development, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solutions to control its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences through legislation and material revolutions.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Increases in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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