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Increases in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve this problem? v.2

Increases in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 2
The subject of refugee settlement is a complex one. While some people have an opinion that rich countries should welcome more refugees and supply nourishment and accomodation needs; others maintain that hosting refugees could not only be associated to the wealthiness of a country, but it is also a social issue that requires serious implementations. I personally think that the settlement of refugees has to be dealt with joint efforts of all countries. Rich countries have enough resources to accept more refugees who escape from countries that are affected by war or famine. In other words, they have the financial capacity to do so when compared to less wealthy ones. Countries like Germany, the USA and the UK have huge budgets, making them much more available for refugees. For instance, the estimated GDP of The United Nations is over 25 trillion dollars and all Syrian refugees could be accommodated only for a billion dollars. Therefore, financially developed nations are able to deal with people flee from their homes. However, richness would not be the only criterion determining the acceptance of refugees. Hosting millions of people requires a serious planning process about meeting their needs sufficiently as well as keeping the social order as it normally is. To illustrate, a recent research has stated that many Syrian refugees in Jordan and Lebanon are being treated as a second-class citizen and they are unable to seek employment. Consequently, it is of vital importance for a country to arrange itself both financially, physically and socially in order to avoid disorders. To encapsulate, refugee settlement is a very important concern for all societies over the world. Despite the common belief that they should mostly be accepted by wealthy countries, it is, in my opinion, an international issue that needs a real cooperation and deep understanding.
The subject of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugee
settlement is a complex one. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have an opinion that rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should welcome more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
and supply nourishment and
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomodation
needs; others maintain that hosting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be associated
to the wealthiness of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
also
a social issue that requires serious implementations. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the settlement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be dealt
with joint efforts of all countries.

Rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
resources to accept more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
who escape from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by war or famine.
In other words
, they have the financial capacity to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
when compared to less wealthy ones.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Countries
like Germany, the USA and the UK have huge budgets, making them much more available for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
.
For instance
, the estimated GDP of The United Nations is over 25 trillion dollars and all Syrian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
could
be accommodated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for a billion dollars.
Therefore
,
financially
developed nations are able to deal with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
flee from their homes.

However
, richness would not be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
criterion determining the acceptance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
. Hosting millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
requires a serious planning process about meeting their needs
sufficiently
as well
as keeping the social order as it
normally
is. To illustrate, a recent research has stated that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Syrian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
in Jordan and Lebanon are
being treated
as a second-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
citizen and
they are unable to seek employment.
Consequently
, it is of vital importance for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to arrange itself both
financially
,
physically
and
socially
in order to avoid disorders.

To encapsulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugee
settlement is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
concern for all societies over the world. Despite the common belief that they should
mostly
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, it is, in my opinion, an international issue that needs a real cooperation and deep understanding.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Increases in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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