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In your opinion, should young people choose their professions, or should their parents choose for them? v.2

In your opinion, should young people choose their professions, or should their parents choose for them? v. 2
Every human being living on these planet has its own unique quality and skills. It is an inhabitant in their nature and in his or her work style by birth. God gives them a special ability and talent to do what they are happier and sensitive for, they have their creativity and curiosity for something which relates and connects with their mind. But most of the parents are not aware of their children personal interest and hobbies by their childhood so they force them to choose the field of passion what they want to make them do at a young age. young people have the right to choose their own field of the profession by their interest. If they choose what they exactly want to do, then they are happier and put good efforts with ease. They take things seriously and involved with their mind without any distractions. They are excited about learning and acquiring the length of knowledge in their chosen field. They can achieve new things and with infinite opportunities, they can not feel bored and depressed from their work. They have balanced with their personal and professional life, they get their work done on time and get a high rate of income growth which directly develops their living. But from this, before choosing any field for career advancement, adults need to take advice and consultancy from their parents, because they have good experience in the terms of age and knowledge so they can suggest you the helping information and details about what to do. Parents have also equal right to provide guidance and direction to their children. They are worried about the future and career of their children and in addition, they take action and decisions for their children' s life. Somehow parents are nowadays getting very curious and attentive about their children habits and hobbies so they are aware of their children field of passion and interest from childhood. And some parents do not understand their children, that' s why they force them to choose what they don' t want to choose because of lack of proper understanding. Parents need to understand that, they guide their children but do not interface in their interest. They can do it on their own and succeed. In conclusion, I suggest that parents should teach their children and give them direction, guidance, and information about the fields but let them choose to take a decision about going to the field of profession.
Every human being living on
Did you mean "this planet" or "these planets"?
these planet
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
unique quality and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. It is an inhabitant in their nature and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
work style by birth. God gives them a special ability and talent to do what they are happier and sensitive for, they have their creativity and curiosity for something which relates and connects with their mind.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not aware of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
and hobbies by their childhood
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they force them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of passion what they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them do at a young age.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have the right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of the profession by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
. If they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
what they exactly want to do, then they are happier and put
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
efforts with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
. They take things
seriously
and involved with their mind without any distractions. They
are excited
about learning and acquiring the length of knowledge in their chosen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
can achieve new things and with infinite opportunities, they can not feel bored and depressed from their work.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
have balanced with their personal and professional life, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their work done on time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a high rate of income growth which
directly
develops their living.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
from this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
choosing any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
for career advancement, adults need to take advice and consultancy from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
experience in the terms of age and knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can suggest you the helping information and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about what to do.

Parents have
also
equal right to provide guidance and direction to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They
are worried
about the future and career of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
in addition
, they take action and decisions for their
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s life. Somehow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are nowadays getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
curious and attentive about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
habits and hobbies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are aware of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of passion and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
from childhood. And
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not understand their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
that&
#039; s why they force them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
what they
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of proper understanding.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
need to understand that, they guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
do not interface in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
. They can do it on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and succeed.

In conclusion
, I suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and give them direction, guidance, and information about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
to take a decision about going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of profession.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay In your opinion, should young people choose their professions, or should their parents choose for them? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
412 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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