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You want to join a new gym in your neighbourhood Write a letter to the gym s manager In your letter ask what types of membership there are and what the prices are ask what activities are available ask what the procedure is for joining v.1

You want to join a new gym in your neighbourhood Write a letter to the gym s manager In your letter ask what types of membership there are and what the prices are ask what activities are available ask what the procedure is for joining v. 1
Languages is a part of Cultural growth. However, as the years go by, different languages are going into extinction. Some people believe with fewer languages spoken, life will be better. I disagree with this notion. I believe languages need to be preserved so that children know heritage, and also for cultural influence. To Begin with, it is important that languages do not die out. A child needs to be able to identify with his or her cultural background, they need to understand where they are coming from, how their elders lived and survived in the past, and in order to achieve that, languages need to be taught. Also, through this they can converse intimately about personal matters with their families and clan. Languages will also encourage communal growth and continuity of heritage for over years. Another point to consider is that, languages need be preserved for cultural influence. This means that people can become interested in others culture through their language. For example, singing music in a particular language can be appealing and fascinating to people, this can compel people to want to learn about a particular culture and their way of life. In this way, cultural heritage can be shared and learnt. In addition, the diversity in language is what makes the world, a beautiful place. Therefore, when people have different spoken words, the globe becomes less boring. In conclusion, although it is believed that life will be easier with fewer languages. I am of the opinion that more languages are important for cultural continuity and influence.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Languages
is a part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cultural
growth.
However
, as the years go by,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
are going into extinction.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe with fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
spoken, life will be better. I disagree with this notion. I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
be preserved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that children know heritage, and
also
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
influence.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Begin
with, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
out. A child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to be able to identify with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
background, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to understand where they are coming from, how their elders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
and survived in the past, and in order to achieve that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
be taught
.
Also
, through this they can converse
intimately
about personal matters with their families and clan.

Languages will
also
encourage communal growth and continuity of heritage for over years.

Another point to consider is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
be preserved
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
influence. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can become interested in others culture through their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
For example
, singing music in a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
can be appealing and fascinating to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, this can compel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to want to learn about a particular culture and their way of life. In this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
heritage can
be shared
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
.
In addition
, the diversity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the world, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
place.
Therefore
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
spoken words, the globe becomes less boring.

In conclusion
, although it
is believed
that life will be easier with fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
. I am of the opinion that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
continuity and influence.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay You want to join a new gym in your neighbourhood Write a letter to the gym s manager In your letter ask what types of membership there are and what the prices are ask what activities are available ask what the procedure is for joining v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
258 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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