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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In many places, students aged 12-18 are typically taught different subjects by differentteachers while younger students are usually taught by only one teacher all day long. However, it would also benefi v.291

In many places, students aged 12-18 are typically taught different subjects by differentteachers while younger students are usually taught by only one teacher all day long. However, it would also benefi v. 291
In many developed countries, executive positions in companies are dominated by men, although their employees are mostly women. This essay agrees that they should allocate a certain proportion of these posts to women. It is because there should be high-level representatives of dominating gender to accommodate their concerns and many women are academically capable to lead a big team. Firstly, it is important to have women representation at top-level management when the majority of employees are ladies because they have special needs. Different than men, they can have physiological changes during monthly period or pregnancy, which can result in a lower performance if top managers do not understand how to treat them during this time. Many would have a bad mood, so that it is wise to avoid a direct confrontation with them. For example, a chemical company BASF recorded 4% performance increase among their female workers after they newly-appointed vice-president, Mrs. Heineken, revised the company's policy to allow women to take sick leave during their cycles. Secondly, there are many women in developed countries hold MBA degrees from reputable universities. In addition, Many of them have been working for companies for years as well and this indicates that they have excellent knowledge and necessary skills to carry out the responsibilities of high-level positions in companies. For example, according to the General Commission on Higher Education in the UK, there are 4, 000 new MBA graduates every year and women always dominate the list of honourable students. In conclusion, women workers in companies have special needs to be understood by the top-level managers and many of them hold MBA degrees. Therefore, this essay fully agrees that it is necessary for companies to appoint women at high-level position to accommodate them and to take advantage of their knowledge.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, executive positions in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are dominated
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, although their employees are
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that they should allocate a certain proportion of these posts to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there should be high-level representatives of dominating gender to accommodate their concerns and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
academically
capable to lead a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
team.

Firstly
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
representation at top-level management when the majority of employees are ladies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have special needs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
Did you mean 'different "from"? 'Different than' is often considered colloquial style.
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, they can have physiological
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
during monthly period or pregnancy, which can result in a lower performance if top managers do not understand how to treat them during this time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
would have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
mood,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it is wise to avoid a direct confrontation with them.
For example
, a chemical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
BASF recorded 4% performance increase among their female workers after they
newly
-appointed vice-president, Mrs. Heineken, revised the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's policy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to take sick
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
during their cycles.

Secondly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
hold MBA degrees from reputable universities.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of them have been working for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
for years
as well
and this indicates that they have excellent knowledge and necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to carry out the responsibilities of high-level positions in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
For example
, according to the General Commission on Higher Education in the UK, there are 4, 000 new MBA graduates every year and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
always dominate the list of
Possible spelling mistake found.
honourable
students.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
workers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have special needs to
be understood
by the top-level managers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them hold MBA degrees.
Therefore
, this essay
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that it is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to appoint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
at high-level position to accommodate them and to take advantage of their knowledge.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many places, students aged 12-18 are typically taught different subjects by differentteachers while younger students are usually taught by only one teacher all day long. However, it would also benefi v. 291

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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