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In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence. v.6

In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence. v. 6
Modern world products and services put extra costs on families. This has led to many of mothers work besides their husbands for their children’s welfare. Although some individuals hold the view that working of both parents may cause problems in children upbringing, others believe parents can pay enough attention to their children as well as work outside. Some people argue that working of both parents is not good for children because of some important reasons. At first, their children may have not appropriate upbringing. Parents don’t spend enough time for children. Thus, they can’t educate necessary life lessons. This lack may direct children to criminal activities. In addition, children may get moral sicknesses. It is because they feel lonely without any support in the crisis time. The loneliness of children degrades their self-confidence and self-esteem. Self-confidence shortage can affect their future life. However, opponents are of the opinion that both parents can work outside without any problem at home. To begin, they say parents can adjust their daily hours to have enough time for their children.   Mothers or both parents can work part time. They also can make an accurate daily plan for all family members to use their time more effective and efficient. Furthermore, parents can register necessary courses which cover children’s educational needs to both life and school skills. Occupied parents have enough money to spend extra courses costs. To conclude, though some people believe working of both parents is not useful for children, others don’t believe in it. In my opinion, the career of both parents is necessary only if it does not harm children’s life in any way. My 2 years child has extra costs which make my wife and I work together. Of course, his living will need more money in future. Providing necessary facilities and support for children’s progress needs enough money. Anyway, I hope parents can make the balance between work and family affairs.
Modern world products and services put extra costs on families. This has led to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of mothers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
besides
their husbands for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
welfare. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals hold the view that working of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may cause problems in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
upbringing, others believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
outside.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that working of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons. At
first
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may have not appropriate upbringing.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
don’t spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Thus
, they can’t educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
life lessons. This lack may direct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to criminal activities.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
moral sicknesses. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they feel lonely without any support in the crisis
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. The loneliness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
degrades their self-confidence and self-esteem. Self-confidence shortage can affect their future life.

However
, opponents are of the opinion that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
outside without any problem at home. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, they say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can adjust their daily hours to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Mothers or both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. They
also
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an accurate daily plan for all family members to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
more effective and efficient.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can register
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
courses which cover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
educational needs to both life and school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Occupied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
money to spend extra courses costs.

To conclude
, though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe working of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is not useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, others don’t believe in it. In my opinion, the career of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if it does not harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
life in any way. My 2 years child has extra costs which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
my wife and I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
together.
Of course
, his living will need more money
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. Providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
facilities and support for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
progress needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
money. Anyway, I hope
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and family affairs.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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