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Australia urges Indonesia not to execute drug smugglers on death row. v.1

Australia urges Indonesia not to execute drug smugglers on death row. v. 1
Recently the broadcasting about drugs has become the big issues which occurred in Indonesia. This problem has connection including our nearer neighbour country, Australia. For this moment, there are two Australian who will be punished because of their action as the drug smugglers in Indonesia and so they had been made many Indonesian disappointed with what they did. However, this problem is still a controversial issue between the governments in Indonesia and Australia. Australian Prime minister is still trying to request a slight penalty rather than the death penalty for both guys who will be executed in Indonesia. He attempts to discuss it with the president of Indonesia and also remains about Australia’s aids that it had helped Indonesia when the tsunami happened around 10 years ago in Aceh. This thing makes Indonesian in particular people in Aceh are annoyed and encouraging to give Australia’s money back. They are planning to collect their own gold, money even coin and also ex-cloths from Australia and they are going to return them back to Australia. In my point of view, Indonesian government should take it into account what might they do to solve this problem. They can be considered what Indonesian people want, but they must also notice about their relationship with other countries. It could not be ignored that they still achieve many kinds of foreign aid around the world, for instance, the familiar one is Australia Awards Scholarship (AAS) in term of educational support. Many Indonesian people had achieved their bachelor, masters, and even doctoral degree using Australia’s funds. To conclude, Indonesia government might think twice to decide whether the death penalty or others capital punishment for both Australian because it can be a risk for the future association with other countries in the world.
Recently the broadcasting about drugs has become the
big
issues which occurred in Indonesia. This problem has connection including our nearer
neighbour
country, Australia. For this moment, there are two
Australian
who will
be punished
because
of their action as the drug smugglers in
Indonesia and
so
they had
been made
many
Indonesian disappointed with what they did.
However
, this problem is
still
a controversial issue between the
governments
in Indonesia and Australia.

Australian Prime minister is
still
trying to request a slight penalty
rather
than the death penalty for both guys who will
be executed
in Indonesia. He attempts to discuss it with the president of Indonesia and
also
remains about Australia’s aids that it had
helped
Indonesia when the tsunami happened around 10 years ago in
Aceh
. This thing
makes
Indonesian
in particular
people
in Aceh
are annoyed
and encouraging
to give
Australia’s money back. They are planning to collect their
own
gold, money even coin and
also
ex-cloths from
Australia and
they are going to return them back to Australia.

In my point of view, Indonesian
government
should take it into account what might they do to solve this problem. They can
be considered
what Indonesian
people
want,
but
they
must
also
notice about their relationship with other countries. It could not be
ignored
that they
still
achieve
many
kinds of foreign aid around the world,
for instance
, the familiar one is Australia Awards Scholarship (AAS) in term of educational support.
Many
Indonesian
people
had achieved their bachelor, masters, and even doctoral degree using Australia’s funds.

To conclude
, Indonesia
government
might
think
twice to decide whether the death penalty or others capital punishment for both Australian
because
it can be a
risk
for the future association with other countries in the world.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Australia urges Indonesia not to execute drug smugglers on death row. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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