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In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.4

In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence. v. 4
Nowadays, many families have a dual sources of income. In most homes, both husband and wife, have to earn in order to make ends meet. However, some people have argued, that this will be of benefit to the children, while others believe that the children will be affected majorly, as they may lack parental support. In fact, I agree with the former. This essay will discuss both points of view. To begin, children will gain much when both parents are income earners for a number of reasons. Firstly, additional income will amount to a better standard of living. For instance, children whose parents are high income earners often attend the best schools. They also have access to a lot of educational devices which can boost their learning. Another advantage of double income, is the fact that, children from such homes can be able to afford things they need. People who believe that the children are affected most, have conceived this idea as a result of various reasons. One of such, is the fact that, most parents are not usually available to their offsprings. In addition, the busy lifestyle at work contributes to emotional detachment in most families. To illustrate, most jobs require its staff to work from 9am till 5pm. Many parents do not get home until the later part of the night. Hence, they have little or no time for their children. In conclusion, this essay has examined both sides of the argument. Finding a work-life balance is essential in alleviating the harmful effects of dual income sources on the children.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families have a dual sources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
. In most homes, both husband and wife,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
earn in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have argued, that this will be of benefit to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, while others believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
majorly
, as they may lack parental support. In fact, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former. This essay will discuss both points of view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will gain much when both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
earners for a number of reasons.
Firstly
, additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
will amount to a better standard of living.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
earners
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
attend the best schools. They
also
have access to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
educational devices which can boost their learning. Another advantage of double
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
, is the fact that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from such homes can be able to afford things they need.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
most, have conceived this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
as a result
of various reasons. One of such, is the fact that, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not
usually
available to their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
.
In addition
, the busy lifestyle at work contributes to emotional detachment in most families. To illustrate, most jobs require its staff to work from 9am till 5pm.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
home until the later part of the night.
Hence
, they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no time for their children.

In conclusion
, this essay has examined both sides of the argument. Finding a work-life balance is essential in alleviating the harmful effects of dual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
sources on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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