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In this hectic life if parents are getting free time then they should spend this time in playing games with their children rather than helping them in their school work. v.2

In this hectic life if parents are getting free time then they should spend this time in playing games with their children rather than helping them in their school work. v. 2
In modern era, every parent is busy in their work but they spend their free time with child. Variety of the activities can do with kids in free time. Different people have different attitude toward helping of children development. From my vantage point, I disagree with the statement that parents spend free time playing with their kids rather than helping on their academic work. I choose my stance for certain reasons which are describes in forthcoming paragraphs. To begin with, education play substantial role in person life. If parents only give attention to playing with their children as result, negative impact on child study because of most of children interested in to playing games than study. If parents do not take responsibilities to helping their child in homework, children also neglect their study and attract toward the playing game and other activities. Consequently, children get the low grade in exam. For example, my uncle and aunty not pay attention to my cousin study and always brought new games and playing with him. Gradually, my cousin takes less concentration on their study and engages to video game and playing business game with his father. Finally he fails in their exam and waste his one year for playing games. Furthermore, parents spend time with playing with children it is also negative impact on children mind. All children have not developed mind, some kids need to helping their parents to solve doubt in some subjects. If it not solve at certain time child has moral down and they hate study. For an instance, my friend has problem in Maths, she tried to understand but she cannot did it. She also took the teacher helps, unfortunately he failed in maths exam. Her result in all subjects was good except maths. She concerned about study. In fact she went in depression for one month. If her parents gave some attention to her study she did not fail in exam. However, child spend time with parents to playing game it is help to keep them healthier in both mentally as well as physically. Still, I firm to my point of view, since modern school now aware the physical and mental development of children, they organize the activities which are help to children keep fit and healthier. In conclusion, contemplating aforementioned reasons, parents should give time to children for helping in the school work. Playing games all free time it is negative impact on child study and kids also suffering from the depression and stress for study. Therefore, I disagree with statement that parents should free time spending with playing with children rather than bolster to study work.
In modern era, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
is busy in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. Variety of the activities can do with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
attitude toward helping of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
development. From my vantage point, I disagree with the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
rather
than helping on their academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. I choose my stance for certain reasons which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
in forthcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, education play substantial role in person life. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
give attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as result,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
interested in to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not take responsibilities to helping their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
in homework,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
also
neglect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and attract toward the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
game and other activities.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the low grade in exam.
For example
, my uncle and aunty not pay attention to my cousin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and always brought new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
with him.
Gradually
, my cousin takes less concentration on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and engages to video game and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
business game with his father.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
he fails in their exam and waste his one year for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
games.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
it is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
mind. All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have not developed mind,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
need to helping their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to solve doubt in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
subjects. If it not
Did you mean "solves"?
solve
at certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
has moral
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
down and
they hate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. For an instance, my friend has problem in
Possible spelling mistake. 'Maths' is British English.
Maths
, she tried to understand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
she cannot
The verb 'cannot' requires the base form of the verb: "do"
did
it. She
also
took the teacher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
, unfortunately he failed in
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
exam. Her result in all subjects was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
except
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
. She concerned about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. In
The comma is probably missing here: "fact, she".
fact she
went in depression for one month.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
gave
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
attention to her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
she did not fail in exam.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
game it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them healthier in both mentally
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
physically
.
Still
, I firm to my point of view, since modern school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
aware the physical and mental development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they organize the activities which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit and healthier.

In conclusion
, contemplating aforementioned reasons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for helping in the school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
also
suffering from the depression and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
Therefore
, I disagree with statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spending with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
rather
than bolster to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
79Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay In this hectic life if parents are getting free time then they should spend this time in playing games with their children rather than helping them in their school work. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
441 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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