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Some people say that schools should spend more money on the best equipment others say that more experienced teachers should be hired Discuss both views and give your opinion v.2

Some people say that schools should spend more money on the best equipment others say that more experienced teachers should be hired 2
The challenge of whether or not schools should spend more money on equipment tends to disturb many parents. While some people believe that school should focus on modern equipment, others, as well as me, are disagree with this claim. There are valid arguments from both sides which will be discussed in this essay. On the one hand, nowadays students should learn up-to-date technology, which seems to be complicated without excellent school equipment. For instance, personal computers have become a common attribute of a human' s life so modern schools cannot be imagined without using computers or laptops. Another argument is that innovative equipment in schools may make the educational process more efficient and available. For instance, access to school sources through the Internet tends to extend the opportunities of simple students and to release receiving education by disabled people. On the other hand, some people believe that highly-experienced teachers cannot be replaced by expensive equipment. Fist of all, they seem to have a specific skill for teaching their students, which can make the educational process easier and more interesting. In other words, they tend to explain all the material comprehensively and influence on academic performance positively. Also, an excellent teacher may encourage and support students, in case of any difficulties. Finally, the motivation question may be solved by a professional teacher as well. All in all, despite the view, that equipment in schools the main part of expenses, I tend to believe that professional teachers play the main role in the educational process.
The challenge of
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should spend more money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tends
to disturb
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should focus on modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipment
, others,
as well
as me, are
Consider using a past participle here: "disagreed".
disagree
with this claim. There are valid arguments from both sides which will
be discussed
in this essay.

On the one hand, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should learn up-to-date technology, which seems to
be complicated
without excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipment
.
For instance
, personal computers have become a common attribute of a
Possible spelling mistake found.
human&
#039; s life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
cannot
be imagined
without using computers or laptops. Another argument is that innovative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipment
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the educational process more efficient and available.
For instance
, access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
sources through the Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tends
to extend the opportunities of simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and to release receiving education by disabled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
highly
-experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
cannot
be replaced
by expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipment
. Fist of all, they seem to have a specific
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
for teaching their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the educational process easier and more interesting.
In other words
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tend
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
all the material
comprehensively
and influence on academic performance
positively
.
Also
, an excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
may encourage and support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, in case of any difficulties.
Finally
, the motivation question may
be solved
by a professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
as well
.

All in all, despite the view, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipment
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
the main part of expenses, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tend
to believe that professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
play the main role in the educational process.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that schools should spend more money on the best equipment others say that more experienced teachers should be hired 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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