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In the past, the primary motivation for professional sports people was the pursuit of sporting excellence and to be the best in their field. Today, professional sports people are most likely to be driven by the pursuit of money and fame. To what extent d v.2

In the past, the primary motivation for professional sports people was the pursuit of sporting excellence and to be the best in their field. Today, professional sports people are most likely to be driven by the pursuit of money and fame. 2
In the previous time, the main goal for sportsmen was to achieve the best results and to break records. Nowadays, sports people tend to be more focused on money instead of personal success. I disagree with this statement; I personally believe that sportsmen’s motivation depends mostly on character, not on period of time people live. One main arguments that I would like to make in this debate is that most of popular and successful sportsmen came from poor family that means they started their career when they did not have any financial interest and not when they became well paid. Let us take one Croatian footballer Luka Modric as an example. He was brought up in very poor conditions while there was a war in his country. At first, he had to pay money to a sporting academy, when there was no money even on food. If sportsman is born in low-income family, he cannot work hard only due to money, he just does not know what it is. A different yet principal reason is that the world sports records are being set now more frequently that in the past. For instance, usain bolt and michel phelps have broken world records in main disciplines as swimming and running recently. It does not seem like they follow cash rather than excellent results. To conclude, I am totally unsure that sportsmen nowadays is hunting wealth more than sport success. Since if it was true, world records in swimming and running wouldn’t be broken by usain bolt and michel phelps in near times and they would be set by sportsmen who already passed away. Furthermore, people who rise in poverty tend to be more hardworking and not to crave luxury life.
In the previous time, the main goal for sportsmen was to achieve the best results and to break
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
records
. Nowadays, sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to be more focused on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
instead
of personal success. I disagree with this statement; I
personally
believe that sportsmen’s motivation depends
mostly
on character, not on period of time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

One main arguments that I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
in this debate is that
Consider using "most popular" or "most of the popular".
most of popular
and successful sportsmen came from poor family that means they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
their career when they did not have any financial interest and not when they became well paid.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us take one Croatian footballer
Possible spelling mistake found.
Luka
Possible spelling mistake found.
Modric
as an example. He
was brought
up in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
poor conditions while there was a war in his country. At
first
, he had to pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to a sporting academy, when there was no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
even on food. If sportsman
is born
in low-income family, he cannot work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
does not know what it is.

A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
yet
principal reason is that the world sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
records
are
being set
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
more
frequently
that in the past.
For instance
,
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
usain bolt
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
michel
Possible spelling mistake found.
phelps
have broken world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
records
in main disciplines as swimming and running recently. It does not seem like they follow cash
rather
than excellent results.

To conclude
, I am
totally
unsure that sportsmen nowadays is hunting wealth more than sport success. Since if it was true, world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
records
in swimming and running wouldn’t
be broken
by
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
usain bolt
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
michel
Possible spelling mistake found.
phelps
in near
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
times and
they would
be set
by sportsmen who already passed away.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who rise in poverty tend to be more hardworking and not to crave luxury life.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past, the primary motivation for professional sports people was the pursuit of sporting excellence and to be the best in their field. Today, professional sports people are most likely to be driven by the pursuit of money and fame. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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