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Material success and fame are often attributed to some talent Do you think it is possible to get name fame and money even if there is no talent v.1

Material success and fame are often attributed to some talent Do you think it is possible to get name fame and money even if there is no talent v. 1
It is debatable that better style of upbringing of kids is in urban areas or in rural areas. In this essay I will delve of benefits and drawbacks in the following paragraphs. To begin with, the main advantage of the look after of children in town is that they can take admission in well reputed schools, which will help them enhance their knowledge as well as help to create their creativity. In private schools, teacher uses different methods to improve their basic level. Therefore, in initial schooling kids learn various things that they cannot learn in rural area's government school. However, the main disadvantage of urban upbringing is that both parents go to their work. Children live alone at home. They are unaware how to use their leisure time in a productive way and accompanied by bad company of peers. In addition, the most of people live in nuclear families than extended clans. Therefore, due to the hectic schedule of parents, children feels isolated and start to do the bad kind of activities, because they are not aware about right or wrong. For example, in the Chandigarh city, both parents go to work, and children live alone at home, and when they free they go to rose park or on the Sukhna lake where different psychological level of people come and kids attract when they see their activities. On the other hand, the chief benefit of rural nurturing of children is that they live in a joint family, even if parents are busy. Then care of them can be taken by grandparents. Also, grandparents teach to their grand kids many good things. Take for Instance, Infants can learn about traditional culture, language and history. Nevertheless, It certainly has some drawbacks. Firstly, some rural people do not earn enough money because of unemployment and they cannot send their kids in reputed academic institutions. Where they can learn a plethora of knowledge. As well as, due to the less literate level, in future, when kids grown they face unemployment problems. In conclusion, Although there are some problems in rural areas, yet I think kids can get better upbringing in cities than villages, because in towns they meet with different kind of people and improve their knowledge also, boost their confidence and communication skills. Which are necessary in competitive era.
It is debatable that better style of upbringing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
is in urban areas or in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
areas. In this essay I will delve of benefits and drawbacks in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the main advantage of the look after of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in town is that they can take admission in well reputed schools, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them enhance their knowledge
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to create their creativity. In private schools, teacher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
methods to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their basic level.
Therefore
, in initial schooling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
various things that they cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
area's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
school.

However
, the main disadvantage of urban upbringing is that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
go to their work.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
alone at home. They are unaware how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their leisure time
Consider replacing "in a productive way" with the adverb for "productive"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a productive way
and accompanied by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of peers.
In addition
, the most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in nuclear families than extended clans.
Therefore
, due to the hectic schedule of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
feels isolated and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to do the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
kind of activities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not aware about right or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
For example
, in the Chandigarh city, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
go to work, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
alone at home, and when they free they go to rose park or on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sukhna
lake where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
psychological level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
attract when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their activities.

On the other hand
, the chief benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
nurturing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in a joint family, even if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are busy. Then care of them can
be taken
by grandparents.
Also
, grandparents teach to their grand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things. Take
for Instance
, Infants can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about traditional culture, language and history.

Nevertheless
, It
certainly
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
unemployment and
they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in reputed academic institutions.
“Where” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Where
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
a plethora of knowledge.
As well
as, due to the less literate level,
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
grown they face unemployment problems.

In conclusion
, Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
areas,
yet
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better upbringing in cities than villages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in towns they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge
also
, boost their confidence and communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
are necessary in competitive era.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Material success and fame are often attributed to some talent Do you think it is possible to get name fame and money even if there is no talent v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
387 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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