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In the past, the primary motivation for professional sports people was the pursuit of sporting excellence and to be the best in their field. Today, professional sports people are most likely to be driven by the pursuit of money and fame. To what extent d v.1

In the past, the primary motivation for professional sports people was the pursuit of sporting excellence and to be the best in their field. Today, professional sports people are most likely to be driven by the pursuit of money and fame. 1
The holiday season is that time of the year, for which everyone eagerly awaits. While some people have forgotten the true meaning of culture and tradition, such as festivals and consider celebrating it by its own. I totally agree with this statement as many people consider going out of town instead of spending the festive season with family. Also, they ignore cultural importance in the name of the generation gap. First and foremost, festivals were always meant to be spent with family. This used to be that time of the year, when all the family members used to visit their home, especially meeting elders. This has changed a lot in the last decade and youngster's often plan to travel with friends instead of spending the same time at home. For example, Diwali, a Hindu festival, has always been a get together for the whole family and they celebrate this by doing some rituals and burning crackers, but over the past few years, this has changed drastically as people use this time as leisure. It is because, people are more occupied with their comfort and least bothered about spending time with their loved ones. Another important aspect is people are not that religious anymore. People have started considering religion as restriction or a thing of the past, which restricts you from doing things you want. While, many of the things are scientifically proven great for human health. For example, as stated in Jainism and many other religions, eating food after sunset is not good for health. In contrast, most population rarely eat before sunset. As a result, diabetes and other diseases are on the rise, and eating habits are to be blamed for it as proven by doctor's and researcher's. In conclusion, despite religion and cultures being a great asset for an individual. Nowadays, people want to live life to the full. In my opinion, being carefree and living an independent life is great, but we should not forget our roots and should think about everything stated in our religion before denying it.
The holiday season is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of the year, for which everyone
eagerly
awaits. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have forgotten the true meaning of culture and tradition, such as festivals and consider celebrating it by its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider going out of town
instead
of spending the festive season with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Also
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
cultural importance in the name of the generation gap.

First
and foremost, festivals were always meant to
be spent
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of the year, when all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to visit their home,
especially
meeting elders. This has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
a lot in the last decade and youngster's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
plan to travel with friends
instead
of spending the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home.
For example
, Diwali, a Hindu festival, has always been a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together for the whole
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
family and
they celebrate this by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rituals and burning crackers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
over the past few years, this has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
drastically
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as leisure. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more occupied with their comfort and least bothered about spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not that religious anymore.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
considering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
as restriction or a thing of the past, which restricts you from doing things you want. While,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the things are
scientifically
proven great for human health.
For example
, as stated in Jainism and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religions
, eating food after sunset is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for health.
In contrast
, most population rarely eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
sunset.
As a result
, diabetes and other diseases are on the rise, and eating habits are to
be blamed
for it as proven by doctor's and researcher's.

In conclusion
, despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
and cultures being a great asset for an individual. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
life to the full. In my opinion, being carefree and living an independent life is great,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we should not forget our roots and should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about everything stated in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
denying it.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay In the past, the primary motivation for professional sports people was the pursuit of sporting excellence and to be the best in their field. Today, professional sports people are most likely to be driven by the pursuit of money and fame. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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