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In the past, sports champions used to be motivated by the desire to win a match or to break the world records. These days, they are more likely to be motivated by prize money and the opportunity to be famous. What message does this send to young people an v.1

In the past, sports champions used to be motivated by the desire to win a match or to break the world records. These days, they are more likely to be motivated by prize money and the opportunity to be famous. What message does this send to young people an v. 1
Some school of thought asserts that parents are the best tutor that children have throughout in their whole lives. I strongly agree with the statement because they teach many lessons pertaining to their practical aspects. Also, they give them a piece of advices in the form of short stories during their childhood, which play an essential role in the building of a positive attitude. To begin with, guardians present a multitude of lessons to their sons and daughters in different modes, that educate them to understand the concept of morality, to help the poor, how to survive in the world, their traditions and cultures. Because they know, they are the role model of their offsprings. So, they adopt good habits in order to give positive things to them and they become respectful citizens. As a result, parental character considered to be a better instructor. Furthermore, children also do the same things as their parents have done. Likewise; if guardians are sophisticated and well mannered, they also display similar qualities in front of the societies. Therefore, they tell them, how to speak, how to walk when they are crawling, and the ways they enhance their cognitive skills. For instance, a psychologist, Dr. Murphy and his assistant, revealed that there was a profound difference in the performance of two pupils, one was upbringing under the surveillance of his parents and the other was in the childcare, the first one was far better than the other. Similarly, they know about the strength and the weakness of their offsprings. They buy books about that subject and tell their boys or girls in term of tales. This leads to improve their performance. They expand their brain, by attuning them to new concepts. In conclusion, parents become the most effective instructor to educate its child, because they deeply know him. Also, they easily grasp their mind and apply the relevant strategy.
Some
school of
thought
asserts that
parents
are the best tutor that children have throughout in their whole
lives
. I
strongly
agree
with the statement
because
they teach
many
lessons pertaining to their practical aspects.
Also
, they give them a piece of advices in the form of short stories during their childhood, which play an essential role in the building of a
positive
attitude.

To
begin
with, guardians present a multitude of lessons to their sons and daughters in
different
modes, that educate them to understand the concept of morality, to
help
the poor, how to survive in the world, their traditions and cultures.
Because
they know, they are the role model of their
offsprings
.
So
, they adopt
good
habits in order to give
positive
things to
them and
they become respectful citizens.
As a result
, parental character considered to be a better instructor.

Furthermore
, children
also
do the same things as their
parents
have done.
Likewise
; if guardians
are sophisticated
and
well mannered
, they
also
display similar qualities in front of the societies.
Therefore
, they
tell
them, how to speak, how to walk when they are crawling, and the ways they enhance their cognitive
skills
.
For instance
, a psychologist, Dr. Murphy and his assistant, revealed that there was a profound difference in the performance of two pupils, one was upbringing under the surveillance of his
parents
and the other was in the childcare, the
first
one was far better than the other.

Similarly
, they know about the strength and the weakness of their
offsprings
. They
buy
books about that subject and
tell
their boys or girls in term of tales. This leads to
improve
their performance. They expand their brain, by attuning them to new concepts.

In conclusion
,
parents
become the most effective instructor to educate its child,
because
they
deeply
know him.
Also
, they
easily
grasp their mind and apply the relevant strategy.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past, sports champions used to be motivated by the desire to win a match or to break the world records. These days, they are more likely to be motivated by prize money and the opportunity to be famous. What message does this send to young people an v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
315 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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