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In the past, sports champions used to be motivated by the desire to win a match or to break the world records. These days, they are more likely to be motivated by prize money and the opportunity to be famous. What message does this send to young people an v.3

In the past, sports champions used to be motivated by the desire to win a match or to break the world records. These days, they are more likely to be motivated by prize money and the opportunity to be famous. What message does this send to young people an v. 3
Nowadays, professional sportsmen are encouraged by premiums and possibility to become well-known in public, that differs from the earlier practice, when the only motivation was win a game or match and breaking records. This essay will first look at question what current practice shows to young generation, and then discuss what influence on sport it causes. Firstly, it should be noticed that the most popular kind of sport is supposed to be a football, and currently the situation about salaries and prizes there is scandalous, as football is constituted on money. Teenagers who are keen of football know the price list, in other words, how many costs every sportsman and what are his payments. Sport was converted into market, and children see that. Sometimes boys make decision to be a football player in order to become well paid and famous. Thus, children get a message that gift and talent can be purchased and sport is a business. Unfortunately, expensive prizes for achievements in other kinds of sport represent them the similar. With regards to effect on sport itself, some positive sides can be found. Sport equipment, especially professional, is highly expensive, therefore, prizes in sport allows sportsmen to buy necessary items. Furthermore, in case people earn in their sport activity, they have not to look for a job for additional salary. Consequently, sportsmen spend all their time on improving results and complete the purpose of excellent performance. In general, it develops sport and produces achievements. In conclusion, there exist drawbacks in what influence on young people’s mind is made by payments and fame of sportsmen, however, despite this negative side, attracting money in sport industry leads to development.
Nowadays, professional sportsmen
are encouraged
by premiums and possibility to become well-known in public, that differs from the earlier practice, when the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
motivation was win a game or match and breaking records. This essay will
first
look at question what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
practice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
to young generation, and then discuss what influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
it causes.

Firstly
, it should
be noticed
that the most popular kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is supposed
to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
, and
currently
the situation about salaries and prizes there is scandalous, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
is constituted
on money.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
who are keen of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
know the price list,
in other words
, how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
costs every sportsman and what are his payments.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
was converted
into market, and children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
boys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decision to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
player in order to become well paid and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
.
Thus
, children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a message that gift and talent can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is a business. Unfortunately, expensive prizes for achievements in other kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
represent them the similar.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
itself,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides can
be found
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
equipment,
especially
professional, is
highly
expensive,
therefore
, prizes in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
sportsmen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
necessary items.
Furthermore
, in case
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
earn in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
activity, they have not to look for a job for additional salary.
Consequently
, sportsmen spend all their time on improving results and complete the purpose of excellent performance.
In general
, it develops
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and produces achievements.

In conclusion
, there exist drawbacks in what influence on young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s mind
is made
by payments and fame of sportsmen,
however
, despite this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side, attracting money in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
industry leads to development.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past, sports champions used to be motivated by the desire to win a match or to break the world records. These days, they are more likely to be motivated by prize money and the opportunity to be famous. What message does this send to young people an v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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