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In cities and towns all over the world, the high volume of traffic is a problem. What are the causes of this and what actions can be taken to solve this problem? v.1

In cities and towns all over the world, the high volume of traffic is a problem. What are the causes of this and what actions can be taken to solve this problem? v. 1
At present, in most of cities and towns of all countries across the globe, the dispute of traffic congestion is looming large. For this situation, people can not be solely blamed, but many other factors play significant roles too. To mimic this dilemma, many steps should be taken into consideration by governments. To begin with, among all the reasons, the prevalence is, almost all citizens of the nation use their private vehicles owing to their convenience instead of commuting through (by) public transportation which is comparatively cheaper as well safer. In other words, they do not want to take any risk or face adversity during their travelling and (to) reach to the destination on time. Besides, the other causes behind such complication could be stray animals who wander on roads and due to them sometime the person get stuck in transportation jams. Also there are other factors which have been responsible since (for) many years such as ignorance of (on) shipment rules, ramshackle vehicles, careless pedestrians etc. The effective possible measures, to make cities and town's traffic–free areas have enlisted below. First and foremost, governments should build sidewalks for pedestrians. So, they may walk safely and do not meet an accident. Another way to tackle this obstacle is, the fuel cost must be increased which ultimately discourage people for utilization of their own vehicles and consequently they are forced to travel either by public transportations or share the personal vehicles. For instance, if two people are living in the same areas and they both are employees of same company then they both can go to office by sharing one car or a motorcycle. In addition, every person must maintain his scooter in good condition. So that it does not cause any difficulty while running and on account of it the speed of other vehicles do not (need to) slow down which might lead to gridlock jams.
At present, in
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the cities") or simply say "most cities".
most of cities
and towns of all countries across the globe, the dispute of traffic congestion is looming large. For this situation,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can not be
solely
blamed,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors play significant roles too. To mimic this dilemma,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
steps should
be taken
into consideration by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, among all the reasons, the prevalence is, almost all citizens of the nation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
owing to their convenience
instead
of commuting through (by) public transportation which is
comparatively
cheaper
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
well safer. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, they do not want to take any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
or face adversity during their travelling and (to) reach to the destination on time.
Besides
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
causes behind such complication could be stray animals who wander on roads and due to them sometime the person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
stuck in transportation jams.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors which have been responsible since (for)
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years such as ignorance of (on) shipment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, ramshackle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
, careless pedestrians etc.

The effective possible measures, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
cities and town's traffic–free areas have enlisted below.
First
and foremost,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should build sidewalks for pedestrians.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they may walk
safely
and do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
an accident. Another way to tackle this obstacle is, the fuel cost
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be increased
which
ultimately
discourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for utilization of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
and
consequently
they
are forced
to travel either by public transportations or share the personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
.
For instance
, if two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are living in the same
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
areas and
they both are employees of same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
then they both can go to office by sharing one car or a motorcycle.
In addition
, every person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
maintain his scooter in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that it does not cause any difficulty while running and on account of it the speed of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
do not (need to) slow down which might lead to gridlock jams.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay In cities and towns all over the world, the high volume of traffic is a problem. What are the causes of this and what actions can be taken to solve this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
316 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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