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Write about the following topic: In some countries, people prefer to rent a house for accommodation, while in other countries people prefer to buy their own house. Does renting a house have more advantages or disadvantages than buying a house? Give reasons v.1

: In some countries, people prefer to rent a house for accommodation, while in other countries people prefer to buy their own house. Does renting a house have more advantages or disadvantages than buying a house? Give reasons v. 1
Actually, in this society women are given equal footing with men. However, some people think that men are more capable than women. Personally, I disagree with this view and it will be discussed why? To begin with, we can see that at school, girl students outperform boy students, so if they were not competitive, they would not able to achieve this. In addition, in various competitive examinations also girls perform as well as boys. Women have already proved that they can do any job and now work in almost every field. Therefore, we can see them even in aviation and defence or as a scientist. Furthermore, many multinational companies are successfully managed by women, and have also proved that they can make great leaders. For instance, in North Korean country women are allowed to join the armed forces and most of the armed forces are women too. However, in spite of the above mentioned talking, statistics all over the world shows that, there are not a lot of women in research, politics or business. And, this explains that women have certain biological and psychological duties that only they can perform. For instance, some of them are following; (giving birth and growing) children. In addition, because of these some women quit their jobs in order to bring up and educate their children. Furthermore, it does not matter that women are naturally competitive then men. To sum up, after analysing all aspects, it is obvious that women are just as capable as men, but sometimes perform better then men. In my opinion, women have proven their mettle in almost all spheres.
Actually, in this society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
equal footing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are more capable than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
Personally
, I disagree with this view and it will
be discussed
why?

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that at school, girl students outperform boy students,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if they were not competitive, they would not able to achieve this.
In addition
, in various competitive examinations
also
girls perform
as well
as boys.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
have already proved that they can do any job and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
work in almost every field.
Therefore
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them even in aviation and
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
or as a scientist.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are
successfully
managed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, and have
also
proved that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
great leaders.
For instance
, in North Korean country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the armed forces and most of the armed forces are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
too.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the above mentioned talking, statistics all over the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that, there are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in research, politics or business. And, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have certain biological and psychological duties that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they can perform.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are following; (giving birth and growing) children.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
quit their jobs in order to bring up and educate their children.
Furthermore
, it does not matter that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
naturally
competitive then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

To sum up, after
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
all aspects, it is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as capable as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
perform
Did you mean "better than"?
better then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have proven their mettle in almost all spheres.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay : In some countries, people prefer to rent a house for accommodation, while in other countries people prefer to buy their own house. Does renting a house have more advantages or disadvantages than buying a house? Give reasons v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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