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Some government spend massive on an individual for an international sport event rathar than public welfare. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some government spend massive on an individual for an international sport event rathar than public welfare. v. 2
In today’s era, money plays a significant role in the development of any country as well as for improving the living standard of people. However, some people advocate an opinion of spending money on international sports event, rather than for public welfare. Thus, I partially accord with the statement. To begin with, various countries are evolving at a rapid pace in every realm, and to win in any competition whether it is sports events or other events has become a symbol of any country’s prestige and recognition. Therefore, government should spend monetary fund on an individual on account of certain reasons. Firstly, sport is considered as an important realm, whereby any country can easily establish its competent image in the world, which ensures myriad benefits for any country. Hence, competent players ensure win any sport, and it can be plausible with sufficient funding from the side of government on them. On the top of that, many players cannot afford their training fees and also are not able to arrange necessary resources to become a skilled player, consequently here government can come as a semblance of hope for them. For instance, The United States Of America is a leading champion in sports events owing to its bird eye view on sports player. However, government cannot ignore another side of its major responsibility because government is for the people, and thereby government should also pay heed towards public welfare due to multifarious reasons. Firstly, living standard of people of any country determines the future of any country, and it is evident that no country can prosperous without public welfare. In addition, if there will be allocation of major portion of budget for public welfare from the side of government then there will transpire more opportunities in terms of jobs, education and so on, for the people, which ultimately make any country developed because any country’s development cannot be judged by merely one factor. To conclude, I opine that government should pay an equivalent heed on every realm, as every sector contributes equally in making any country developed.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s era, money plays a significant role in the development of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as well
as for improving the living standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
advocate an opinion of spending money on international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
,
rather
than for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
welfare
.
Thus
, I
partially
accord with the statement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are evolving at a rapid pace in every realm, and to win in any competition whether it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
or other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
has become a symbol of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
prestige and recognition.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend monetary fund on an individual on account of certain reasons.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is considered
as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
realm, whereby any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can
easily
establish its competent image in the world, which ensures myriad benefits for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Hence
, competent players ensure win any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, and it can be plausible with sufficient funding from the side of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
on them. On the top of that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
players cannot afford their training fees and
also
are not able to arrange necessary resources to become a skilled player,
consequently
here
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
as a semblance of hope for them.
For instance
, The
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
United States Of America
is a leading champion in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
owing to its bird eye view on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
player.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
another side of its major responsibility
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and thereby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
also
pay heed towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
welfare
due to multifarious reasons.
Firstly
, living standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
determines the future of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, and it is evident that no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can prosperous without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
welfare
.
In addition
, if there will be allocation of major portion of budget for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
welfare
from the side of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
then there will transpire more opportunities in terms of jobs, education and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which
ultimately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
developed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
development cannot
be judged
by
merely
one factor.

To conclude
, I opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should pay an equivalent heed on every realm, as every sector contributes
equally
in making any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
developed.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some government spend massive on an individual for an international sport event rathar than public welfare. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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