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In the past, museums stored information about culture and history. However, nowadays this information can be found through the Internet, so there is no need for museums. Do you agree or disagree with this view? v.4

In the past, museums stored information about culture and history. However, nowadays this information can be found through the Internet, so there is no need for museums. with this view? v. 4
Nowadays, it is more effortless to see the relics which stored in museums via the Internet than in the past. While a part of the function of the museum may be replaced by the Internet, I completely disagree with the idea that museums are unnecessary for our future and I believe that the advancement of technology can assist the operation of the museum. At first, the purpose of museum establishment is to share knowledge and to provide an educational space for the masses. Although people can visit museums to the website and without charging the admission fee, others function of the museum would not be entirely substituted by the Internet. For example, the maintenance of relics is one of the irreplaceable works. There are many experts research the history of relics and develop the way which can protect the relics to keep well. Moreover, it is healthier to teach children the knowledge in the museums than surfing on the Internet, and I believe that visiting museums can improve the creativity of children. On the other hand, the Internet still should be considered to assist museum's operation, although people do not need to charge admission fee. For example, museums can create the 3D space of the indoor museum for people as like as the street view created by Google. This measure can intensify the motivation to visit museums and benefit for people who live in the countryside or a foreign country. People can see more details of relics via the website and visit the website whenever they want. In addition, the Internet can assist to solve several problems such as crowded people in museums, to miss the opening hours and the impairment of relics caused by visitors. In general, I do not agree that the development of the Internet will be the factor to cause museums valueless. Instead, it can be a powerful method to support the original purpose.
Nowadays, it is more effortless to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relics
which stored in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
via the Internet than in the past. While a part of the function of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
may
be replaced
by the Internet, I completely disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are unnecessary for our future and I believe that the advancement of technology can assist the operation of the museum.

At
first
, the purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
establishment is to share knowledge and to provide an educational space for the masses. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
to the website and without charging the admission fee, others function of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
would not be
entirely
substituted by the Internet.
For example
, the maintenance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relics
is one of the irreplaceable works. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
experts research the history of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relics
and develop the way which can protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relics
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
well.
Moreover
, it is healthier to teach children the knowledge in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
than surfing on the Internet, and I believe that visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the creativity of children.

On the other hand
, the Internet
still
should
be considered
to assist museum's operation, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not need to charge admission fee.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
can create the 3D space of the indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as like as the street view created by Google. This measure can intensify the motivation to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and benefit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the countryside or a foreign country.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relics
via the website and visit the website whenever they want.
In addition
, the Internet can assist to solve several problems such as crowded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, to miss the opening hours and the impairment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relics
caused by visitors.

In general
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the development of the Internet will be the factor to cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
valueless.
Instead
, it can be a powerful method to support the original purpose.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay In the past, museums stored information about culture and history. However, nowadays this information can be found through the Internet, so there is no need for museums. with this view? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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