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In the past, museums stored information about culture and history. However, nowadays this information can be found through the Internet, so there is no need for museums. Do you agree or disagree with this view? . v.2

In the past, museums stored information about culture and history. However, nowadays this information can be found through the Internet, so there is no need for museums. with this view? . v. 2
Although art is recognized as a cornerstone for any culture around the globe, a small number of people encourage it and give preference to science, technology, and business instead. I think that a reason for this can be the limited career prospects in art and integration between arts and other fields that can revive the people’s interest in the arts. To begin with, as compared to other fields, art offers a limited career scope. There are fewer jobs in the market for artists than for scientists, engineers, and business professionals. This makes it unattractive for some people to pursue art as a profession. To illustrate, the majority of artists often find it difficult to earn a reasonable livelihood. In contrast, if there were sufficient prospects in art, more people would be interested and willing to pursue it as a career. However, people’s interest in art can be restored through building a bridge between art and other fields. Educational institutions and businesses should work together to emphasize more on areas where art can be applied to more practical implications. Areas such as architecture and design, are not just critical in the construction and engineering sectors but also essential in designing our daily gadgets. For example, computers, mobile phones, and other devices, how these devices have transformed themselves into smaller, lighter and sleeker objects over time. In conclusion, despite the art as an important part of any culture, the value of arts can be further strengthened by developing new jobs for artists through collaboration with other sectors.
Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is recognized
as a cornerstone for any culture around the globe, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
encourage it and give preference to science, technology, and business
instead
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a reason for this can be the limited career prospects in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and integration between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fields that can revive the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
interest in the arts.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fields,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
offers a limited career scope. There are fewer jobs in the market for artists than for scientists, engineers, and business professionals. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it unattractive for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
as a profession. To illustrate, the majority of artists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
find it difficult to earn a reasonable livelihood.
In contrast
, if there were sufficient prospects in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
be interested
and willing to pursue it as a career.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
can
be restored
through building a bridge between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fields. Educational institutions and businesses should work together to emphasize more on areas where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
can
be applied
to more practical implications. Areas such as architecture and design, are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
critical in the construction and engineering sectors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
essential in designing our daily gadgets.
For example
, computers, mobile phones, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
devices, how these devices have transformed themselves into smaller, lighter and sleeker objects over time.

In conclusion
, despite the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of any culture, the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
can be
further
strengthened by developing new jobs for artists through collaboration with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sectors.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past, museums stored information about culture and history. However, nowadays this information can be found through the Internet, so there is no need for museums. with this view? . v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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