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In the past many male leaders have led our society to conflicts and violence the world would be better governed and more peaceful if it was ruled by women To what extent do you agree or disagree v.2

In the past many male leaders have led our society to conflicts and violence the world would be better governed and more peaceful if it was ruled by women v. 2
Throughout history, there had been many wars in terms of society, economy, … Most of the conflicts were dominated by men, who are considered to be the stronger gender. However, some people believe that life could have been much better if the world was controlled by female. In my opinion, I absolutely disagree with this statement because of following reason. Firstly, wars and violence are the ones that will never be evaded. They will happen sooner or later. The leaders should be chosen based on their characteristics, their talents in dominating rather than their genders. Many people think that men symbolize for strength and power, while women related to gentleness. However, this does not work at all in reality. Instead of creating these prejudices on genders, we should consider what kind of the wars in order to find the suitable leaders. For example, in terms of aggressive war, male leaders should be the priority, when talking about demonstration, we should prefer female. This is because women are good spokespeople, they know how to use their words to convince and encourage others although female always try to make the wars happen. By doing that, it may reduce the amount of death rate as well as damaging. Another reason for this is that men are usually decisive than women. Women are easily prone to many things else such as love, children, . . to be good leaders. They are too sensitive and emotional to give serious decision. Their private things may be sometimes affected the huge career. For instance, Cleopatra VII was a precious and intelligent. However, she was also an ambitious woman who exploited some powerful men for her benefits. This means that she had let her personal things interfere the political activities. All in all, I believe everyone was born with their own part in society. It is not a good idea to choose a leader based on their genders, we need to consider different side of them to make a good decision.
Throughout history, there had been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wars
in terms of society, economy, … Most of the conflicts
were dominated
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
, who
are considered
to be the stronger gender.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that life could have been much better if the world
was controlled
by female. In my opinion, I
absolutely
disagree with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of following reason.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wars
and violence are the ones that will never
be evaded
. They will happen sooner or later. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
should
be chosen
based on their characteristics, their talents in dominating
rather
than their genders.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
symbolize for strength and power, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
related to gentleness.
However
, this does not work at all in reality.
Instead
of creating these prejudices on genders, we should consider what kind of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wars
in order to find the suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
.
For example
, in terms of aggressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
war
, male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
should be the priority, when talking about demonstration, we should prefer female. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
spokespeople, they know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their words to convince and encourage others although female always try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wars
happen. By doing that, it may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the amount of death rate
as well
as damaging.

Another reason for this is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are
usually
Use "(decisive)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
decisive
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
are
easily
prone to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things else such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, children
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
. They are too sensitive and emotional to give serious decision. Their private things may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the huge career.
For instance
, Cleopatra VII was a precious and intelligent.
However
, she was
also
an ambitious woman who exploited
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
powerful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
for her benefits. This means that she had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
her personal things interfere the political activities.

All in all, I believe everyone
was born
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
part in society. It is not a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
based on their genders, we need to consider
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
side of them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
decision.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past many male leaders have led our society to conflicts and violence the world would be better governed and more peaceful if it was ruled by women v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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