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In the past many male leaders had led our society to conflicts and violence The world would be better governed and more peaceful if it were ruled by women To what extent do you agree or disagree v.2

In the past many male leaders had led our society to conflicts and violence The world would be better governed and more peaceful if it were ruled by women v. 2
It is true that men have always been dominating the world of politics, which many people believe is the reason that leads to a number of wars throughout the history of mankind. They hold the view that if the world is run by women, it would be a better place for everyone. I completely agree with this school of thought and this essay will explain why. To begin with, one important reason why women should be given the power to rule the world is that they are known to be well-organized. Women are competent at managing their work and being in charge of taking care of their families at the same time. Needless to say, these jobs involve a sense of management skill. For instance, the presence of women at home can guarantee nourishing meals and clean house for the whole family, which may have a tremendous impact on children development. Thereby, I firmly believe that women as world leaders can create a well-ordered society. To add further credence to my assertment, women are more likely to be able to keep their composure and less prone to violence than men. In other words, men are known to be aggressive by nature and can lose their temper easily, which may lead to physical assault or opening hostilities, while women tend to opt for negotiation or verbal attack. This virtue makes women great leaders who need a cold head and the ability to handle contraditions in peace. This can be illustrated by an example that under the leadership of men, there have been an enormous number of wars throughout our history, which have exerted a negative effect on economies in many parts of the world. This solidifies my next argument that women leaders would be able to run a peaceful world, which is hardly seen if men keep holding important positions. From what has been discussed above, we may draw a conclusion that if women were placed in high-ranking positions, which require great leadership and peaceful tactics, our society would become a better place to dwell.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
have always been dominating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
of politics, which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe is the reason that leads to a number of wars throughout the history of mankind. They hold the view that if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is run
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, it would be a better place for everyone. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
and this essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the power to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is that they
are known
to be well-organized.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
are competent at managing their work and being in charge of taking care of their families at the same time. Needless to say, these jobs involve a sense of management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
For instance
, the presence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
at home can guarantee nourishing meals and clean
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
for the whole family, which may have a tremendous impact on children development. Thereby, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
leaders can create a well-ordered society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
further
credence to my
Possible spelling mistake found.
assertment
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are more likely to be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their composure and less prone to violence than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are known
to be aggressive by nature and can lose their temper
easily
, which may lead to physical assault or opening hostilities, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
tend to opt for negotiation or verbal attack. This virtue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
great leaders who need a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
head and the ability to handle
Possible spelling mistake found.
contraditions
in peace. This can
be illustrated
by an example that under the leadership of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
, there have been an enormous number of wars throughout our history, which have exerted a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on economies in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
This
solidifies my
next
argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
leaders would be able to run a peaceful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, which is hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
holding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
positions.

From what has
been discussed
above, we may draw a conclusion that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were placed
in high-ranking positions, which require great leadership and peaceful tactics, our society would become a better place to dwell.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past many male leaders had led our society to conflicts and violence The world would be better governed and more peaceful if it were ruled by women v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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