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Some people think it is better for children to grown up in the city while others think that life in the countryside is more suitable for them What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places v.9

Some people think it is better for children to grown up in the city while others think that life in the countryside is more suitable for them What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places v. 9
Living in the rural area is thought as the best option for children by a group of people, while others believe that cities offer more opportunities. In my opinion, if the city offers security and green areas, I agree it is a better place to raise the next generation enjoying some advantages from both sides. Firstly, the countryside let children be in touch with nature, taking care of animals and helping with the gardening. Because of that, they learn how to protect the environment and to live without any technological equipment. Besides that, they have more freedom to play outside the house without any security worries, whereas in the city they are kept at home using smartphones and computers for this reason. On the other hand, schools usually have lower quality and it is hard to find extracurricular classes. Therefore, children have difficulties trying to develop their abilities besides the school curriculum. However, schools at metropolitan areas tend to have better quality and offer all kinds of activities. Even if there is a sport or an art course that the institution does not offer, it is possible to look for it in another place around the city. As a result, all children’s talents and passions can be easier to develop. On the other hand, security, pollution and low contact with nature are issues that we have to worry about. The better option would be a city with an excellent quality of life where children could play in parks and gardens. To sum up, growing up in the countryside can be very positive for someone’s childhood, but the city will usually offer better opportunities for their talents’ development.
Living in the rural area is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
as the best option for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, while others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offer
more opportunities. In my opinion, if the city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offers
security and green areas, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
place to raise the
next
generation enjoying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages from both sides.

Firstly
, the countryside
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
be in touch with nature, taking care of animals and helping with the gardening.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that, they learn how to protect the environment and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without any technological equipment.
Besides
that, they have more freedom to play outside the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
without any security worries, whereas in the city they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
at home using smartphones and computers
for this reason
.
On the other hand
, schools
usually
have lower quality and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to find extracurricular classes.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have difficulties trying to develop their abilities
besides
the school curriculum.

However
, schools at metropolitan areas tend to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
quality and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offer
all kinds of activities. Even if there is a sport or an art course that the institution does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offer
, it is possible to look for it in another place around the city.
As a result
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
talents and passions can be easier to develop.
On the other hand
, security, pollution and low contact with nature are issues that we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
option would be a city with an excellent quality of life where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could play in parks and gardens.

To sum up, growing up in the countryside can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
for someone’s childhood,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the city will
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
opportunities for their talents’ development.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think it is better for children to grown up in the city while others think that life in the countryside is more suitable for them What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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