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agree or disagree: The most important investment that can be made to the education of children aged four to seven is giving them a computer. v.2

agree or disagree: The most important investment that can be made to the education of children aged four to seven is giving them a computer. v. 2
It is a highly debated issue whether or not providing computers for children in their schools can be the most important investment made to their education, and this topic can be approached from several angles due to its complexity. Some people totally agree with this statement, they say that nowadays with the advance technology, children should learn how to use computers in young age. I understand this point of view but I have a different opinion. I believe that computers are important but it is not the most important thing to invest in to let our kids get a better education, I think that decreasing the number of students in each classroom will make the difference and help students to get a better education. To begin with, if the class contains 25 students, the teacher won’t be able to concentrate on each student individually. In other words, she won’t be able to give the attention that each student needs to success. For instance, when I was in the elementary school my first grade class had thirty students, we weren’t allowed to ask questions or comments. I believe that affected negatively on our learning. Secondly, with larger class number, weak students won’t get enough help or support. When I came to the United States, I heard the sentence no student left behind. I couldn’t understand the meaning of it until the day that I registered my daughter in the school. I was amazed about all the help they gave to my daughter so, she would be part of her classroom. Last but not least, computers might help students to be part of today’s technology, and also might help them to learn better. But students won’t benefit from this investment if their class are crowded with students. For instance, we moved from New Jersey to Texas last year. My younger daughter is in second grade now. When I compare between her old school and the new one, I see a big difference. Even though both schools have computers and good teachers. But the new school has more student in each class, about the double than the old school. In the new school the teacher doesn’t allow discussions, she says that this will create noise and nobody would benefit from it. I know for sure discussion is an important part of learning, and especially with my daughter she kinds of learn better in the old school because there were always discuss together each subject. In conclusion, I believe that decreasing the number of students in each classroom to make it around twelve students only, this will be more beneficial for students’ education and will be a great investment in the education part.
It is a
highly
debated issue
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
providing computers for children in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can be the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
investment made to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, and this topic can
be approached
from several angles due to its complexity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement, they say that nowadays with the advance technology, children should learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers in young age. I understand this point of view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinion. I believe that computers are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
thing to invest in to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
our kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that decreasing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in each classroom will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the difference and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
education.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
contains 25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, the teacher won’t be able to concentrate on each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
individually
.
In other words
, she won’t be able to give the attention that each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
needs to success.
For instance
, when I was in the elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
my
first
grade
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
had thirty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, we weren’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to ask questions or comments. I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
negatively
on our learning.

Secondly
, with larger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
number, weak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
won’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
or support. When I came to the United States, I heard the sentence no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
behind. I couldn’t understand the meaning of it until the day that I registered my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daughter
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. I
was amazed
about all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
they gave to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daughter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, she would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of her classroom.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, computers might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s technology, and
also
might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
won’t benefit from this investment if their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
are crowded
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
For instance
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
Jersey to Texas last year. My younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daughter
is in second grade
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. When I compare between her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
one, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
difference.
Even though
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have computers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
teachers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in each
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, about the double than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
the teacher doesn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
discussions, she says that this will create noise and nobody would benefit from it. I know for sure discussion is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of learning, and
especially
with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daughter
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'she'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
she kinds
of learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there were always discuss together each subject.

In conclusion
, I believe that decreasing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in each classroom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it around twelve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, this will be more beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and will be a great investment in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
53Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay agree or disagree: The most important investment that can be made to the education of children aged four to seven is giving them a computer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
449 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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