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In the past, important knowledge of culture and history was stored in museum. Nowadays information is freely available on internet, therefore is no longer need for museum. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

In the past, important knowledge of culture and history was stored in museum. Nowadays information is freely available on internet, therefore is no longer need for museum. v. 1
With the invention of technology, the popularity of museums is decreasing. Presently, information about the ancient times are readily available online, therefore, some people believe that there is no need to visit the museum anymore. Though it is true that some of the materials in the galleries can be found on various websites, I completely disagree that ancient showrooms are needless. The availability of different data on the computer today makes some people believe that exhibitions of the olden days way of life is not necessary. This is because it is cheaper to go to the net and gather the necessary knowledge about a period of time or any particular set of people than it is to buy a plane ticket and book a hotel to visit an exhibition that is kilometres away. For example, the annals and the practices of the Yoruba tribe of Nigeria can be studied on google without visiting the ancient town of 'Ile-Ife' where the monuments and old remnants are preserved. Nonetheless, seeing the pictures of past life and culture on the net cannot be compared to when it is seen directly. However, visiting old collections of a particular place is still crucial and cannot be overemphasized. Going to museums is an avenue for parents and children spend time together as a family, as well as serving as a way of educating the young ones about the cultural heritage and thus preserving it. For instance, parents who accompany their children to the Calabar exhibit in Nigeria often serve as tour guide as they explain every little detail to their kids and thence bond together as a family. In addition, the memory of seeing this ancient archive face to face last longer than viewing it on websites, and also they can be touched and seen from all angles. In conclusion, even though some people find online information easier to access and less costly, the importance of going to the museums should be encouraged. I agree that the internet cannot replace the several archaeological materials and knowledge that the museum preserves.
With the invention of technology, the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
is decreasing.
Presently
, information about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ancient
times are
readily
available online,
therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that there is no need to visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
anymore. Though it is true that
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
materials in the galleries can
be found
on various websites, I completely disagree that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ancient
showrooms are needless.

The availability of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
data on the computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that exhibitions of the olden days way of life is not necessary. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is cheaper to go to the net and gather the necessary knowledge about a period of time or any particular set of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than it is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
ticket and book a hotel to visit an exhibition
that is
Possible spelling mistake. 'kilometres' is British English.
kilometres
away.
For example
, the annals and the practices of the Yoruba tribe of Nigeria can
be studied
on google without visiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ancient
town of '
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ile-Ife
' where the monuments and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
remnants
are preserved
. Nonetheless, seeing the pictures of past life and culture on the net cannot
be compared
to when it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
directly
.

However
, visiting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
collections of a particular place is
still
crucial and cannot
be overemphasized
. Going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
is an avenue for parents and children spend time together as a family,
as well
as serving as a way of educating the young ones about the cultural heritage and
thus
preserving it.
For instance
, parents who accompany their children to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Calabar
exhibit in Nigeria
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
serve as tour guide as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
every
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
detail to their kids and thence bond together as a family.
In addition
, the memory of seeing this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ancient
archive face to face last longer than viewing it on websites, and
also
they can
be touched
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from all angles.

In conclusion
,
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find online information easier to access and less costly, the importance of going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should
be encouraged
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the internet cannot replace the several archaeological materials and knowledge that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
preserves.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay In the past, important knowledge of culture and history was stored in museum. Nowadays information is freely available on internet, therefore is no longer need for museum. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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