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In the past, museums stored information about culture and history. However, nowadays this information can be found on the internet and, therefore, there is no need for museums. Do you agree or disagree with this view? v.5

In the past, museums stored information about culture and history. However, nowadays this information can be found on the internet and, therefore, there is no need for museums. with this view? v. 5
In recent years, museums and traditional houses have been losing their top position in the list of must-visit places. This might be because museums have to share their once exclusive right to store cultural and historical information with the Internet. However, I strongly disagree with the assumption that this situation would eventually lead to the disappearance of museums for the financial and aesthetic values they bring to the local. Firstly, many people advocate the operation of museums because they are beneficial tourist attractions contributing to the development of the area which they locate. Accordingly, visitors often have to pay a certain amount of money to visit the place, while no allowance needs to be spent if they chose the Internet. For example, museums in Ho Chi Minh City take up approximately 30 percent of the city’s GDP each year. Therefore, local people and other tourist services would have lost a considerable profit if visitors did not come to museums to learn about historical events and cultural features. Secondly, it is widely believed that museums not only provide humans with knowledge, but also a chance of time and space travel. The appropriate presentation of vivid historical objects and events under the museum’s lights would offer visitors a nostalgic experience that they can never witness looking through their technical devices’ screen. Moreover, museums serve as aesthetic buildings that decorate the whole area they locate. In Japan, for instance, people take pride in their cities for building eye-catching Hello Kitty - featured museums. In conclusion, information about the past is not the only value of museums. They contribute greatly to the economic profit and the beauty of the locals. Therefore, I hold a strong opposition to the belief that the Internet can replace the role of them in the future.
In recent years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and traditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
have been losing their top position in the list of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
-visit places. This might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
share their once exclusive right to store cultural and historical information with the Internet.
However
, I
strongly
disagree with the assumption that this situation would
eventually
lead to the disappearance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
for the financial and aesthetic values they bring to the local.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
advocate the operation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are beneficial tourist attractions contributing to the development of the area which they locate.
Accordingly
, visitors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay a certain amount of money to visit the place, while no allowance needs to
be spent
if they chose the Internet.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
in Ho Chi Minh City take up approximately 30 percent of the city’s GDP each year.
Therefore
, local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and other tourist services would have lost a considerable profit if visitors did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
to learn about historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and cultural features.

Secondly
, it is
widely
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide humans with knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a chance of time and space travel. The appropriate presentation of vivid historical objects and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
under the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum’s
lights would offer visitors a nostalgic experience that they can never witness looking through their technical devices’ screen.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
serve as aesthetic buildings that decorate the whole area they locate. In Japan,
for instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
take pride in their cities for building eye-catching Hello Kitty
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
featured museums.

In conclusion
, information about the past is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. They contribute
greatly
to the economic profit and the beauty of the locals.
Therefore
, I hold a strong opposition to the belief that the Internet can replace the role of them in the future.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay In the past, museums stored information about culture and history. However, nowadays this information can be found on the internet and, therefore, there is no need for museums. with this view? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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