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In the modern world, schools are no longer necessary because there is so much information available through internet, that they can just as well study at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

In the modern world, schools are no longer necessary because there is so much information available through internet, that they can just as well study at home. v. 2
I tend to disagree with this. First of all, the major reason why people think that it is not necessary to have traditional schools and teachers is that it is relatively convenient to study online. Students can easily get access to knowledge and information, and take online courses, no matter when or where. They can just use the search engine like Google, ask any questions and dozen of pages will be resulted with answers and advice about the questions. The Internet contains an endless supply of knowledge and information that provides a convenient way for us to assess knowledge. However, there is no doubt that accomplished teachers cannot be replaced by artificial intelligence. They know how to select constructive and useful materials for the students and teach them in accordance with their aptitude. Besides, teachers can talk to the students face to face, so that students can raise questions and the teachers can immediately figure out and explain to them. Moreover, the Internet can only provide a large amount of knowledge and related data without selection. Unclear explanations on the internet might lead us to misconception and unintentionally the users would possibly open a negative website. My own experience could be a good illustration of this case. When I was in a primary school, I, without any purpose, clicked the advertising item which provided adult contents. Seeing that my teacher came fast to close that website. On the other hand, it is obvious that the school is providing a huge benefit except for academic subjects such as communication skill, social skill through leadership, friendship and many others. Those kinds of skills cannot be figured out at home by our own, which means that the students still need to gain more at school rather than through the internet, while the additional learning could be deserved out of the school. At the same time, the more about using the internet for study may also lead to the serious cause, like its influence the low of the health condition of the teenagers. Some pupil may suffer from short-sightedness and may need to wear a pair of spectacles to help them to achieve a better vision. In addition, when students go to school, they meet their peers and participate in activities that are organized by the schools. It not only improves their communication skills but also their mental ability, which may help them in their future for their career. For instance, there is a survey conducted by Cambridge University which found that there are 50 per cent more chances of getting a job when students are educated from in comparison to at home through the internet. Therefore, it makes the future bright for students.
I tend to disagree with this.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the major reason why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is not necessary to have traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
is that it is
relatively
convenient to study online.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to knowledge and information, and take online courses, no matter when or where. They can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the search engine like Google, ask any questions and
Use "a dozen" or use a number before 'dozen'.
dozen
of pages will
be resulted
with answers and advice about the questions. The Internet contains an endless supply of knowledge and information that provides a convenient way for us to assess knowledge.

However
, there is no doubt that accomplished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
cannot
be replaced
by artificial intelligence. They know how to select constructive and useful materials for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and teach them in accordance with their aptitude.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can talk to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
face to face,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can raise questions and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can immediately figure out and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
to them.
Moreover
, the Internet can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide a large amount of knowledge and related data without selection. Unclear explanations on the internet might lead us to misconception and
unintentionally
the users would
possibly
open a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
website. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience could be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this case. When I was in a primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I, without any purpose, clicked the advertising item which provided adult contents. Seeing that my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
came
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
to close that website.

On the other hand
, it is obvious that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is providing a huge benefit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
academic subjects such as communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
, social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
through leadership, friendship and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others. Those kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
cannot
be figured
out at home by our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, which means that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
still
need to gain more at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
rather
than through the internet, while the additional learning could
be deserved
out of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. At the same time, the more about using the internet for study may
also
lead to the serious cause, like its influence the low of the health condition of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
pupil may suffer from
Possible spelling mistake found.
short-sightedness
and may need to wear a pair of spectacles to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to achieve a better vision.

In addition
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their peers and participate in activities that
are organized
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. It not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their mental ability, which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their future for their career.
For instance
, there is a survey conducted by Cambridge University which found that there are 50 per cent more chances of getting a job when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are educated
from
in comparison
to at home through the internet.
Therefore
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the future bright for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay In the modern world, schools are no longer necessary because there is so much information available through internet, that they can just as well study at home. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
450 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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