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In the modern world, schools are no longer necessary because there is so much information available through internet, that they can just as well study at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

In the modern world, schools are no longer necessary because there is so much information available through internet, that they can just as well study at home. v. 1
Nowadays it has become extremely easy to learn things online. While I believe that the internet has plenty of good resources to offer, it can never replace the importance of going to school. This essay will discuss the reasons why it is vital that students continue to attend institutions. Firstly, schools provide a crucial foundation for a young child's learning journey. A kid learns how to socialise and make friends with people of their age, which is an important aspect of their interpersonal development. Without this experience, they will grow up to be ill-equipped to communicate properly in the workplace. Secondly, children are also restless and they require an authority figure to guide and mould them. By attending school, they will be subjected to a strict schedule that they have to follow and this instils routine and discipline, all of which are critical qualities to succeed later in life. To add on, studying via the internet cannot guarantee that the material is accredited. This is due to the massive amount of information available and that anyone can contribute fairly easily. Students also learn better when teachers correct their mistakes on the spot, something which e-learning is not as effective, compared to the classroom. In addition, schools are places of fun and bonding, it is where wonderful memories are made and invaluable experiences are gained. In conclusion, educational establishments are irreplaceable and to force a child to study on their own would be a damaging thing to do. After all, children need to venture out and explore the real world, and these institutions provide the first step which is absolutely necessary. Kids who get to socialise are happier adolescents compared to those cooped at home.
Nowadays it has become
extremely
easy to learn things online. While I believe that the internet has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
resources to offer, it can never replace the importance of going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. This essay will discuss the reasons why it is vital that students continue to attend institutions.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
provide a crucial foundation for a young child's learning journey. A kid learns how to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of their age, which is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of their interpersonal development. Without this experience, they will grow up to be ill-equipped to communicate
properly
in the workplace.
Secondly
, children are
also
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
restless and
they require an authority figure to guide and
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
them. By attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they will
be subjected
to a strict schedule that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
follow and this
Possible spelling mistake. 'instils' is British English.
instils
routine and discipline, all of which are critical qualities to succeed later in life.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
on, studying via the internet cannot guarantee that the material
is accredited
. This is due to the massive amount of information available and that anyone can contribute
fairly
easily
. Students
also
learn better when teachers correct their mistakes on the spot, something which e-learning is not as effective, compared to the classroom.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are places of fun and bonding, it is where wonderful memories
are made
and invaluable experiences
are gained
.

In conclusion
, educational establishments are irreplaceable and to force a child to study on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
would be a damaging thing to do.
After all
, children need to venture out and explore the real world, and these institutions provide the
first
step which is
absolutely
necessary. Kids who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
are happier adolescents compared to those cooped at home.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay In the modern world, schools are no longer necessary because there is so much information available through internet, that they can just as well study at home. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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