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In the modern world, people no longer need to use food or products from animals, such as medicine and clothing. Do you agree or disagree? v.5

In the modern world, people no longer need to use food or products from animals, such as medicine and clothing. v. 5
These days, with the advancement of technology, human can replace animal products with synthetic ones. Therefore, some people believe that it will soon be needless to use animals for food or medical experiments. Personally, I agree the idea to a certain extent. Firstly, with respect to food, there has been an increase in the number of vegetarians recently. Plants and herbs can provide sufficient nutrients for our body to function normally. Furthermore, meat is considered to be poisonous due to pollution and chemicals. For example, fish living in contaminated water areas may contain toxic substances for human health. However, meat is indispensable to create a diversity of cuisine culture in the world. Consequently, it is impossible to totally eliminate animal-based food. Secondly, animal testing has played an inevitable role in medicine. Although this practice is unethical and debatable, it is important to find a cure for human diseases. Fortunately, thanks to the advances and breakthroughs in science and technology, scientists has made every effort to minimize the use of animals. Nevertheless, there are some false beliefs that some parts of animals, for example rhino horns and monkey brains, can treat various illnesses. Additionally, people no longer need to use fur for clothing as they can produce synthetic fibres to make clothes. In conclusion, there are some fields that humans can eradicate the use of animals, yet it is impractical to stop using them altogether. My view is that human should limit the need of animal products as much as possible.
These days, with the advancement of technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
can replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
products with synthetic ones.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
be needless to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for food or medical experiments.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to a certain extent.

Firstly
, with respect to food, there has been an increase in the number of vegetarians recently. Plants and herbs can provide sufficient nutrients for our body to function
normally
.
Furthermore
, meat
is considered
to be poisonous due to pollution and chemicals.
For example
, fish living in contaminated water areas may contain toxic substances for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
health.
However
, meat is indispensable to create a diversity of cuisine culture in the world.
Consequently
, it is impossible to
totally
eliminate animal-based food.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
testing has played an inevitable role in medicine. Although this practice is unethical and debatable, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to find a cure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
diseases.
Fortunately
, thanks to the advances and breakthroughs in science and technology, scientists has made every effort to minimize the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
Nevertheless
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
false beliefs that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
,
for example
rhino horns and monkey brains, can treat various illnesses.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
no longer need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
fur for clothing as they can produce synthetic
Possible spelling mistake. 'fibres' is British English.
fibres
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
clothes.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fields that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
can eradicate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
,
yet
it is impractical to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
using them altogether. My view is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
should limit the need of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
products as much as possible.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In the modern world, people no longer need to use food or products from animals, such as medicine and clothing. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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