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Task 2: In the modern world, people no longer need to use food or products from animals, such as medicine and clothing. Do you agree or disagree with that statement? v.1

Task 2: In the modern world, people no longer need to use food or products from animals, such as medicine and clothing. v. 1
With the advent of technology, communication between the employers and employees has changed. Some company owners want to be in constant touch with their fellow staff members all the times even on holidays. In my opinion, I think that this development can bring about more problems compared to any advantages it might bring. Admittedly, there are some basic benefits of employers being able to contact the staff at all times. Firstly, they can ensure that the work deliverables can be completed in a timely manner. This would not only keep the client satisfied, but also a possible opportunity for future business. For example, professionals such as investment bankers or stock brokers requires both of them to be in tight communication at all times as they would be dealing with millions of dollars, with every minute being very crucial. Moreover, by micromanaging people, some employers feel it might increase productivity. Having to know the status of one’s work on a daily basis will help them track individual’s performance and alert the staff if anyone deviates from the project schedule. Nevertheless, despite the advantages above, I believe that employers can face serious drawbacks by trying to contact their staff every time. On one hand, by doing this, there is no work-life balance for the employees. With constant work in hand, an individual is left with reduce family time creating issues in personal relationships. For instance, in my first company, I used to work almost seven days a week on almost every project as the timelines were very stringent leaving any time for self and loved ones. Due to increased work pressure I was contacted by my employer at all times even on my personal vacation. In addition to this, one would not have any personal time for recreational activities such as sports or exercise, leading to health issues physically and mentally. In conclusion, being exploited or not have any time for self far outweighs any of the minor advantages that would result from the employers wanting to be in contact with their staff members at all times.
With the advent of technology, communication between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
and employees has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
owners want to be in constant touch with their fellow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
members all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
even on holidays. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this development can bring about more problems compared to any advantages it might bring.

Admittedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
being able to contact the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
at all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
.
Firstly
, they can ensure that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
deliverables can
be completed
in a timely manner. This would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the client satisfied,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a possible opportunity for future business.
For example
, professionals such as investment bankers or stock brokers requires both of them to be in tight communication at all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
as they would be dealing with millions of dollars, with every minute being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial.
Moreover
, by micromanaging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
feel it might increase productivity. Having to know the status of one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on a daily basis will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
individual’s performance and alert the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
if anyone deviates from the project schedule.

Nevertheless
, despite the advantages above, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
can face serious drawbacks by trying to contact their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. On one hand, by doing this, there is no work-life balance for the employees. With constant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in hand, an individual is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
creating issues in personal relationships.
For instance
, in my
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
almost seven days a week on almost every project as the timelines were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
stringent leaving any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for self and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. Due to increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure I
was contacted
by my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
at all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
even on my personal vacation.
In addition
to this, one would not have any personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for recreational activities such as sports or exercise, leading to health issues
physically
and mentally.

In conclusion
,
being exploited
or not have any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for self far outweighs any of the minor advantages that would result from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
wanting to be in contact with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
members at all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Task 2: In the modern world, people no longer need to use food or products from animals, such as medicine and clothing. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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