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With the development of technology and science, some people believe that there is no great value of artists such as musicians and painters. What are the things artists can do but the scientist cannot? Why should we encourage the art area? v.2

With the development of technology and science, some people believe that there is no great value of artists such as musicians and painters. What are the things artists can do but the scientist cannot? Why should we encourage the art area? v. 2
In this era of the digital world, traditional professions as musicians and painters not so popular as it was before. More and more people, even creative and talented, try to apply themselves into more technological areas. Nevertheless, there are certain things related to the artists, that are impossible to create in the technical laboratories by scientists. That is why, the area of art must be encouraged both by governments and by the people. On the one hand, almost any product that can be done by the artist today, also can be created by the engineers. Applications of the artificial intelligence in software and data science are able to do almost impossible. For example, all sorts of computer programs to analyse, create and produce on the output any kinds of digital products. However, in fact, they are able to reproduce or produce only the mix of already existed artworks which was given as an input. Therefore, any technology or a scientist needs someone who understands and feels the music and colours, someone who can contribute a new idea and feeling of the craft. On the other hand, despite how the science and world around us has developed, generally we are still human beings. As a human being we are still driven by the feelings, rather than computed decisions. Thus, when will we feel ourselves happy or what can motivate us? A piece of electronic device or a scientific research? Definitely, the answer is the art. In addition, even those devices which we can call a state of art are made by the artists. So there is no doubt, the world, especially now, is in need for the artists. In conclusion, the way of development of the artists is not apart from the development of technologies and science. We can say that the value of painters and musicians will never decrease, but in contrast, will develop as develop the tools by which they create their artworks.
In this era of the digital world, traditional professions as musicians and painters not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
popular as it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. More and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, even creative and talented, try to apply themselves into more technological areas.

Nevertheless
, there are certain things related to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
, that are impossible to create in the technical laboratories by scientists.
That is
why, the area of art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be encouraged
both by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the one hand, almost any product that can
be done
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
also
can
be created
by the engineers. Applications of the artificial intelligence in software and data science are able to do almost impossible.
For example
, all sorts of computer programs to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
, create and produce on the output any kinds of digital products.
However
, in fact, they are able to reproduce or produce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the mix of already existed artworks which was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
as an input.
Therefore
, any technology or a scientist needs someone who understands and feels the music and
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
, someone who can contribute a new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and feeling of the craft.

On the other hand
, despite how the science and world around us has developed,
generally
we are
still
human beings. As a human being we are
still
driven by the feelings,
rather
than computed decisions.
Thus
, when will we feel ourselves happy or what can motivate us? A piece of electronic device or a scientific research? Definitely, the answer is the art.
In addition
, even those devices which we can call a
The phrase 'state of art' is correct if it refers to the condition of art. But, if you mean 'most recent technological development', use the noun "state of the art" or the adjective "state-of-the-art".
state of art
are made
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
there is no doubt, the world,
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, is in need for the artists.

In conclusion
, the way of development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
is not apart from the development of technologies and science. We can say that the value of painters and musicians will never decrease,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in contrast
, will develop as develop the tools by which they create their artworks.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay With the development of technology and science, some people believe that there is no great value of artists such as musicians and painters. What are the things artists can do but the scientist cannot? Why should we encourage the art area? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
324 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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