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32. Some believe that TV, newspaper and radio have more influence on individuals than their relatives and friends, while others believe not. Which statement do you prefer? Please give your opinion with specific examples and details. v.1

32. Some believe that TV, newspaper and radio have more influence on individuals than their relatives and friends, while others believe not. Which statement do you prefer? Please give your opinion with specific examples and details. v. 1
While some people believe that building over the country side lands is the unique way to resolve the housing limitation problems, the majority of people do not see this as a good approach. In my opinion, governments have to find an effective solution away from the countryside destruction. To begin, building over the country side lands will lead to a severe consequences. Firstly, it will cause the shrinkage of country side lands. This will result in decreasing the quantity of national agricultural supplies. Eventually, the government will have no options other than importing them from abroad. This means that the growth national income will fall down significantly. Secondly, people who choose to live across the country side will go upset with destroying the green and quiet lands they used to live in. Consequently, those citizens will leave their lands resulting in sharp decline in the rural workforce. In order to overcome those problems, a various solutions can be found to limit this phenomenon to the least besides finding a different ways to handle the housing unavailability. In example, increasing the maximum number of floors in the new buildings constructed in the city, can be an efficient. Similarly, demolishing the old small buildings to build new bigger ones that can host more apartments. Lastly, establishing new cities away from the countryside can be considered as powerful long term resolution. To conclude, governments are ought to invent and implement a new method to keep away from touching the countryside lands which can lead to a critical outcome.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
side
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
is the unique way to resolve the housing limitation problems, the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
approach. In my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
find an effective solution away from the countryside destruction.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
side
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
will lead to a severe
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "consequence"?
consequences
.
Firstly
, it will cause the shrinkage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
side
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
. This will result in decreasing the quantity of national agricultural supplies.
Eventually
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will have no options other than importing them from abroad. This means that the growth national income will fall down
significantly
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
side will go upset with destroying the green and quiet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.
Consequently
, those citizens will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
resulting in sharp decline in the rural workforce.

In order to overcome those problems, a various
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "solution"?
solutions
can
be found
to limit this phenomenon to the least
besides
finding a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "way"?
ways
to handle the housing unavailability. In example, increasing the maximum number of floors in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
constructed in the city, can be an efficient.
Similarly
, demolishing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
bigger ones that can host more apartments.
Lastly
, establishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
cities away from the countryside can
be considered
as powerful long term resolution.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are ought to invent and implement a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
method to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
away from touching the countryside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
which can lead to a critical outcome.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay 32. Some believe that TV, newspaper and radio have more influence on individuals than their relatives and friends, while others believe not. Which statement do you prefer? Please give your opinion with specific examples and details. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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