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In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food or use animal products, for instance, clothing and medicines. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food or use animal products, for instance, clothing and medicines. v. 4
Whether animal should be used in food or other industry is a serious controversy from past and now. A truth is, people have less needed to sacrifice animals’ live since many productive processes have been replace by technology. However, there are still lots of ingredients come from animal which people cannot produce in laboratory. To begin with, I totally agree that animals are less necessary in nowadays industrial process. One is because people have found alternatives which are cheap and environmental friendly. For instance, ancient people believe rhino horn can cure cancer and make body stronger and this opinion have caused many rhinos are killed by poachers and even be pushed to the edge of extinction. Todays, researchers have found other methods to create medicines which makes rhino avoid be killed by human. Another reason is that people have higher awareness of protecting animals. Lots of animal protectors refuse to use production that contain animal ingredient. It led to less killing and poaching for wild life creatures. However, although less hunting have happened than in the past, it is still impossible to avoid animal production. For example, people need wool and duck feather to make overcoat. Also, because of raising cow, chicken and big, people can enjoy various kind of food such milk, egg and meat. These animals are just raised because of people needed. Moreover, although scientists have produced man-made meat successfully, it still need a long time to apply these methods in industry. So banning all animals enter in industry production is unrealistic. In conclusion, my opinion is that human have no need to poach wild life or endangered species to get food or medicine, but we still need domestic animal to produce our necessities of life.
Whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in food or other industry is a serious controversy from past and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. A truth is,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
needed to sacrifice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
productive processes have been
Consider using a past participle here: "replaced".
replace
by technology.
However
, there are
still
lots of ingredients
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot produce in laboratory.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
necessary
nowadays is used without 'in'. Use simply: "nowadays".
in nowadays
industrial process. One is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have found alternatives which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
and environmental friendly.
For instance
, ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe rhino horn can cure cancer and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
body stronger and this opinion have caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
rhinos
are killed
by poachers and even
be pushed
to the edge of extinction.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Todays
, researchers have found other methods to create medicines which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
rhino avoid
be killed
by human. Another reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have higher awareness of protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. Lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
protectors refuse to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
production that contain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
ingredient. It led to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
killing and poaching for wild life creatures.

However
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
hunting have happened than in the past, it is
still
impossible to avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
production.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
wool and duck feather to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
overcoat.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of raising cow, chicken and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enjoy various kind of food such milk, egg and meat. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
raised
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
needed.
Moreover
, although scientists have produced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
-made meat
successfully
, it
still
Did you mean "needs"?
need
a long time to apply these methods in industry.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
banning all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
enter in industry production is unrealistic.

In conclusion
, my opinion is
The verb 'have' is plural. Did you mean: "that human has"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
that human have
no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to poach wild life or endangered species to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
food or medicine,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
to produce our necessities of life.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food or use animal products, for instance, clothing and medicines. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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