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In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food or use animal products, for instance, clothing and medicines. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food or use animal products, for instance, clothing and medicines. v. 3
Many people believe that it is unnecessary to eat animals or use products which are made by elephants in the modern society. In my point of view, I concur to such claims and there are several reasons we can examine in depth in this issue. The main reason to support my position is that it is unhealthy for human beings to eat such animals as food. Take my friend, Tina, for example. She got serious disease last year, and her family heard that snake could help her recover. However, the snake is not only expensive, but also made her situation get worse. The doctor said that this kind of flesh is not suitable for everyone. Furthermore, snake meat sometimes also carries terrible diseases. From such examples, it demonstrates that nowadays meat is not always the best supplements for people. Another reason for my belief is that vegetables can supply all we need for our health. For instance, my sister, Jane, got birth to a baby boy in 2019. She is a vegetarian, however, many friends suggested her to eat some pork or fish for better recovery. She insisted her choices, and after a year her hair is growing back since she lost some because of pregnancy. Consequently, it can be said that it is not necessary for eating meat as daily food. Moreover, you can have a healthy life for being a vegetarian. To conclude, besides health concerns, there are also moral issues for consuming dogs or carrying bags made by cats. We have choices to be a more thoughtful man by creating an animal friendly world together. Hence, that's why I agree with that we don't need to use animals as food or products resources.
Many
people
believe that it is unnecessary to eat
animals
or
use
products which
are made
by elephants in the modern society. In my point of view, I concur to such claims and there are several reasons we can examine in depth in this issue.

The main reason to support my position is that it is unhealthy for human beings to eat such
animals
as food. Take my friend, Tina,
for example
. She
got
serious disease last year, and her family heard that snake could
help
her recover.
However
, the snake is not
only
expensive,
but
also
made her situation
get
worse. The doctor said that this kind of flesh is not suitable for everyone.
Furthermore
, snake meat
sometimes
also
carries terrible diseases. From such examples, it demonstrates that nowadays meat is not always the best supplements for
people
.

Another reason for my belief is that vegetables can supply all we need for our health.
For instance
, my sister, Jane,
got
birth to a baby boy in 2019. She is a vegetarian,
however
,
many
friends suggested her to eat
some
pork or fish for better recovery. She insisted her choices, and after a year her hair is growing back since she lost
some
because
of pregnancy.
Consequently
, it can
be said
that it is not necessary for eating meat as daily food.
Moreover
, you can have a healthy life for being a vegetarian.

To conclude
,
besides
health concerns, there are
also
moral issues for consuming dogs or carrying bags made by cats. We have choices to be a more thoughtful
man
by creating an
animal
friendly world together.
Hence
, that's why I
agree
with that we don't need to
use
animals
as food or products resources.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food or use animal products, for instance, clothing and medicines. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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