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In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food or use animal products, for instance, clothing and medicines. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food or use animal products, for instance, clothing and medicines. v. 1
Nowadays, the technology creates a different kind of products, including a variation of the ones that are produced by the animals. I think that is important to replace the products that promoted animal cruelty with the new developments. However, there are others that it could be necessary to obtain directly from animals for health reasons. Historically, the humanity had been using plenty of animal products that help the development of the society and the technology including agriculture, transportation and communication. Despite, there are some products or activities that provoked animal cruelty, for instance, make up testing in monkeys, rabbits and pigs or use horses like a work force in urban areas. This kind of acts should not be tolerated based on the protection of the environment and the nature. On the other hand, a plenty variety of animal products like eggs, wool or milk, that are produced without animal suffering, had been reproduced in laboratories, but these synthetic products do not have the same qualities, and could develop health issues such as gastric pathologies, skin problems, cancer and mutagenic illness. This example, supports the view that in specific situatios the technology advance had not reached the mother nature. In conclusion, I agree to replace the products that affect the animal integrity, but for the substitute products that could affect the peoples health it is preferred to maintain the natural resource. If the society could solve the enigma of the synthetic products provoked illness, it would be a necessary act to let the animals be free.
Nowadays, the technology creates a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, including a variation of the ones that
are produced
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to replace the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that promoted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
cruelty with the new developments.
However
, there are others that it could be necessary to obtain
directly
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for health reasons.

Historically
, the humanity had been using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the development of the society and the technology including agriculture, transportation and communication. Despite, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
or activities that provoked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
cruelty,
for instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up testing in monkeys, rabbits and pigs or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
horses like a work force in urban areas. This kind of acts should not
be tolerated
based on the protection of the environment and the nature.

On the other hand
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
like eggs, wool or milk, that
are produced
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
suffering, had
been reproduced
in laboratories,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these synthetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
do not have the same qualities, and could develop health issues such as gastric pathologies, skin problems, cancer and mutagenic illness. This example, supports the view that in specific
Possible spelling mistake found.
situatios
the technology advance had not reached the mother nature.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to replace the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
integrity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for the substitute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that could affect the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "peoples'" or "people's"?
peoples
health it
is preferred
to maintain the natural resource. If the society could solve the enigma of the synthetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
provoked illness, it would be a necessary act to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
be free.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food or use animal products, for instance, clothing and medicines. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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