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some people believe that a gap year between school and university is a good idea while others disagree strongly with. Consider both sides of this debates and present your own idea. You should give reasons for your answer and include ideas and examples from your own knowledge and experience v.1

some people believe that a gap year between school and university is a good idea while others disagree strongly with. Consider both sides of this debates and present your own idea. You should 1
There have been arguments on whether or not it is beneficial for secondary school leavers to spend a year at home before proceeding to higher institution. While some individuals perceive it is a productive idea to give students time to build other passion they have, it is totally opposed by others thinking it will have negative impact on their grades especially in first year in the university. In this essay, I will discuss both views and give my own opinion. On the one hand, staying back for about 12 months after high school gives opportunity to students. This is because they can have this period to build other passion and abilities they have which is able to make them stand out among their peers during university education. For example, I discovered I have passion for fabric design which I was able to achieve by enrolling in fashion school after secondary education. This opened doors of opportunities for me and served as extra source of income. Hence, this idea believed by certain persons to be have positive effect on children. On the other hand, this act is said to have notable negative impact on students' output in year one. The reason being that there is risk of shifting their focus from education and also reducing their mental capacity while waiting. To illustrate, a research conducted by some lecturers on success rate of student after first session in university found out that most of the students with low grades were those who didn't enter university immediately after high school. Therefore, some people feel this act gives students draw backs. In conclusion, I believe that both sides have their merits. However, on balance, I tend to believe that it is more beneficial for children to spend about a year after secondary school building other passion they have to make them outstanding.
There have been arguments on
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
it is beneficial for secondary
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
to spend a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
proceeding to higher institution. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals perceive it is a productive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
time to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passion
they have, it is
totally
opposed by others thinking it will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on their grades
especially
in
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. In this essay, I will discuss both views and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

On the one hand, staying back for about 12 months after high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can have this period to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passion
and abilities they have which is able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them stand out among their peers during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education.
For example
, I discovered I have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passion
for fabric design which I was able to achieve by enrolling in fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
after secondary education. This opened doors of opportunities for me and served as extra source of income.
Hence
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
believed by certain persons to be
Consider using a past participle here: "had".
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on children.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, this act
is said
to have notable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on students' output in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
one. The reason being that there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of shifting their focus from education and
also
reducing their mental capacity while waiting. To illustrate,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
conducted by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
lecturers on success rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
after
first
session in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
found out that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with low grades were those who didn't enter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
immediately after high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel this act
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
draw backs.

In conclusion
, I believe that both sides have their merits.
However
, on balance, I tend to believe that it is more beneficial for children to spend about a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
after secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passion
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them outstanding.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay some people believe that a gap year between school and university is a good idea while others disagree strongly with. Consider both sides of this debates and present your own idea. You should 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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