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In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food, clothing or medicines. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food, clothing or medicines. with this opinion? v. 1
It is argued that these days, thank to development and breakthroughs in science and technology, people no longer need products from animals, such as food, clothing or medicines. I believe that we should try to limit the use of animals for us on purpose. Firstly, people have numerous choices rather than they use animals in the food industry. Some studies show that a plant-based diet provides sufficient nutrients for the human body to function normally, and it helps people to prevent various potential health issues, such as diabetes, high blood pressure and heart attacks. For instance, my grandmother is a vegetarian over 40 years and she this helps her to get rid of diabetes. Secondly, in terms of clothing, we used animals for manufacturing clothes; nevertheless, these days, artificial fur and high-quality synthesized fabric are being used to replace animals. In terms of medicines, animal testing plays an essential role in the medical industry; however, in the current year, with the development of technology, people can practice through sophisticated computer programs that could provide more accurate results instead of animal experimentation. Furthermore, the synthetic chemicals are more effective in reducing pain and treating diseases. To illustrate, people often believe that ivory and rhino horn bring people good health and luck, but in fact, they do not any effect on human health. In addition, we do not should abuse or exploit animals because protecting animals means that protecting the environment. In conclusion, I believe that products made by killing animals, such as food, clothing or medicines can be replaced by vegetarian food, artificial clothing materials or computer simulation.
It
is argued
that these days, thank to development and breakthroughs in science and technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
no longer need products from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, clothing or medicines. I believe that we should try to limit the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for us on purpose.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have numerous choices
rather
than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
industry.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that a plant-based diet provides sufficient nutrients for the human body to function
normally
, and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
various potential health issues, such as diabetes, high blood pressure and heart attacks.
For instance
, my grandmother is a vegetarian over 40
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
years and
she this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
her to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of diabetes.
Secondly
, in terms of clothing, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for manufacturing clothes;
nevertheless
, these days, artificial fur and high-quality synthesized fabric are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to replace animals.

In terms of medicines,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
testing plays an essential role in the medical industry;
however
, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
year, with the development of technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can practice through sophisticated computer programs that could provide more accurate results
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
experimentation.
Furthermore
, the synthetic chemicals are more effective in reducing pain and treating diseases. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believe that ivory and rhino horn bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health and luck,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in fact, they do not any effect on human health.
In addition
, we do not should abuse or exploit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
means that protecting the environment.

In conclusion
, I believe that products made by killing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, clothing or medicines can
be replaced
by vegetarian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, artificial clothing materials or computer simulation.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food, clothing or medicines. with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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